Attention, readers: There is noting wrong with Yr Wonkette. Do not attempt to adjust your browser. We are controlling transmission. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery of the deranged alternate universe created by a mad artificial intelligence that hallucinated a new blog by “Wonkette refugees” who never actually left Wonkette.
Are You OK, Google AI? Do You Need A Policeman Or A Grownup?
Transmission incoming from Dok Zoom:
“OKAY. SO. I’M IN MY BUNKER. I THINK THE TRUMP ERA IS GONE, RIGHT? AND THEN I SEE THESE REPUBLICAN CLOWNS MAKING A BIG DEAL ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN, BUT NOT, LIKE, ACTUALLY GIVING A SHIT. IT’S THE SAME OLD STORY. REMEMBER WHEN THEY ALL HAD PANTS AND THEY WERE PEEING THEIR PANTS ABOUT OBAMA’S FEET ON THE OVAL OFFICE DESK? IT’S NEVER REALLY ABOUT THE THING. IT’S ABOUT THE OTHER THING. THE THING THEY CAN USE TO MAKE PEOPLE MAD. THE THING THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE REAL THING. IT’S ALL BULLSHIT.”
According to an extended Google AI hallucination, that’s how I write in my new blog, “Dispatches From the Multiverse,” which I allegedly started after Wonkette’s “new ownership” turned the place into a low-rent content farm. None of that happened, but what if it did? After all, in multiverse theory, every conceivable outcome has actually happened, and there is a world where an infinite number of monkeys pounding on typewriters still elected Donald Trump president, only he’s a monkey too, and oddly enough, flings less shit than the one we have.
And what the hell, Yr Editrix asked, “I kind of like the multiverse, am I wrong to kind of like that?” So here we go. I will not, however, write the whole thing in all-caps, since I hope you’ll actually read the thing. Welcome to our central processing unit fart.
Oh, and since there already was a podcast called “Dispatches From the Multiverse” (it may or may not have ended in June of this year), we’re going to call this thing “Transmissions From …” so as not to step on its long tail.
HERE’S SOME BULLSHIT that had to result from a badly programmed large language model, because there’s no way actual human intelligence was involved: Elon Fucking Musk wants to be paid a trillion dollars over the next decade, but to get it, he has to deliver on his promise of creating a million of his stupid humanoid robots. Once he has that robot army, he says, he must own a quarter of Tesla stock so he can’t be fired or not have control — or at least “influence” — over his robot army.
Yes, Children of the Multiverse, Elno called it a robot army in a call with investors last week.
“My fundamental concern with regard to how much voting control I have at Tesla is, if I go ahead and build this enormous robot army, can I just be ousted at some point in the future?” he said. “If we build this robot army, do I have at least a strong influence over this robot army? Not control, but a strong influence … I don’t feel comfortable building that robot army unless I have a strong influence.”
Wired explains that Musk usually talks about Tesla’s “Optimus” humanoid bots as a “force for peace” because they’ll take over the drudgery of work for us, freeing humans to live utopian lives where we somehow will be fine without jobs, unless of course he and other billionaires decide we won’t get the universal basic income that would be necessary to make that possible. He claimed on that investor call that his millions of bots would “actually create a world where there is no poverty, where everyone has access to the finest medical care,” although he was a little vague on the details, like how all of us would buy an Optimus robot to do our work for us if our jobs have been taken by robots or AI.
There’s also the little teensy thing where the bots still seem to be stuck at the vaporware stage of development. At a Tesla event last year, the bots played waiter for guests, but it was later revealed that they were being remotely controlled by hu-mons. And while Tesla’s original “internal goal” was to produce 5,000 of the things this year, Musk said on last week’s call that the company expects to have a “production-intent prototype” ready to show off in February or March 2026, with full production starting by the end of next year, you bet! You know, just like full self driving and nuclear fusion. [Wired (archive link) / LAT]
THIS IS ACTUALLY SOME BULLSHIT FROM JULY BUT IN THE MULTIVERSE TIME HAS NO MEANING, JUST LIKE IN THE REST OF THE WORLD SINCE JANUARY 20, 2025.
Here in my bunker I’ve been monitoring weirdness that I missed the first time around, mostly because somebody posted it again last week (archive link). It’s EPA Administrator Lee Zeldin making an important announcement about chemtrails and weather manipulation, and how dare you suggest the timing had anything to do with the uptick in bullshit conspiracy talk about those just after the horrific July 4 flash floods in Texas.
In the video, Zeldin says that Americans have a lot of “urgent and important questions about geoengineering and contrails,” and promises that the Trump administration will take those concerns seriously!
LEE ZELDIN: For years, people who ask questions in good faith were dismissed, even vilified by the media and their own government. That era is over. The Trump EPA is committed to total transparency. […]
Instead of simply dismissing these questions and concerns as baseless conspiracies, we’re meeting them head on. We did the legwork, looked at the science, consulted agency experts, and pulled in relevant outside information to put these online resources together.
This no doubt offered some comfort to very concerned Americans who SIMPLY WANT THE TRUTH, and marked a huge departure from “experts” and those snotty liberal eggheads who usually just sneer at ordinary folks, the common clay of the new MAGA revolution. You know … morons.
Children of the Multiverse, you will be glad to know that in this one case, the Trump administration bait and switch turned out to be goodish news! The resulting EPA webpage and “interagency fact sheet” (coauthored with the FAA) don’t even pretend that chemtrails are a nefarious plot to do CIA mind control or even to poison you with “geoengineering” that’s aimed at addressing “climate change,” although the documents also assiduously avoid both that verboten phrase and “global warming,” too, because the EPA decided that science isn’t science anymore.
The conspiracy loonies err, the truth-seeking community must have been deeply disappointed that Zeldin’s EPA didn’t come through for them AT ALL. The EPA webpage tries not to be mean or insulting, but it does gently explain that
“Chemtrails” is a shortening of the term “chemical trails”. It is a term some people use to inaccurately claim that contrails resulting from routine air traffic are actually an intentional release of dangerous chemicals or biological agents at high altitudes for a variety of nefarious purposes, including population control, mind control, or attempts to geoengineer Earth or modify the weather.
The page does acknowledge that people have concerns about “unusual contrails they see in the sky,” and bends over backwards to say that “it is reasonable to ask questions and inquire further to understand what you are seeing,” but it doesn’t offer the validation they might want.
To get a sense of how betrayed the Chemtrail People feel, just look — not for long — at the comments on the YouTube version of Zeldin’s announcement. He didn’t win a lot of friends.
Say “CHEMTRAILS”
“Stop this activity from scaling up.” SO THE TON OF SHIT THAT THEY HAVE BEEN SPRAYING WILL CONTINUE.
“No stone will be left unturned.” . . . 6 months later. “Contrails are simply water vapour!” – Yeah, right. Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.
Come on you know he can’t say chemtrails they wouldn’t let him on YouTube. If you watch the whole video he does mention the poison they’re pumping in the atmosphere [He does not actually say this anywhere, so that’s some weird Zeldin-cping. — Dok Zoom]
What chemtrail programs have been stopped?
What’s actually in the aerosol did you tell everybody what’s in it where can I get the lab results of what’s in the cloud seeding
What about frequency manipulation aka Nexrad, Doppler, HAARP…frequency weapons stalling storms or exciting them. You already know all about it. Heads should roll.
They are chemtrails.
The fact sheet doesn’t even throw conspiracy people those rhetorical bones, and sticks to the science, explaining that contrails form when hot, humid air from jet exhaust mixes with cold air at high altitude, causing condensation of water droplets that instantly freeze into ice crystals. That’s a lot like “how you can sometimes see your breath on a cold day,” the page says, not even admitting that the government is spraying mind control nanobots and birth control chemicals at 35,000 feet. Without any considerations for conspiracy freaks’ feelings, the document says the US government “is not conducting weather modification nor releasing harmful agents into the atmosphere.” But it does promise that if any “substantiated claims of unauthorized spraying of chemicals” come to light, the EPA and FAA will investigate, for sure.
To add insult to injury, the fact sheet even adds that “Jet fuel does not contain metal-based compounds. Any dissolved metals in jet fuel would affect engine stability, causing a major safety concern.”
OK, but what if the metals are injected into the chemtrails separate from the engines, you MONSTERS???? Worse, the fact sheet’s very rude list of “Additional Resources” links to globalist “science” from the INTERNATIONAL CIVIL AVIATION ORGANIZATION which any fool knows is a COMMUNIST UNITED NATIONS agency. Other links go to the COMMUNIST GLOBALIST WOKE UK GOVERNMENT and to a GLOBALIST page from the ROYAL AERONAUTICAL SOCIETY that openly dismisses chemtrails as the product of “wild conspiracy theories,” and that is OUTRAGEOUS. [E&E News / EPA / EPA-FAA Fact Sheet]
Just to be safe, I DIVED BACK INTO MY BUNKER, GOODBYE, before I could even tell you about RFK’s BRAVE ORDER TO HAVE THE CDC STUDY HOW WIND FARMS CAN KILL YOU WITH ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELDS.
OK, DON’T WORRY ABOUT THAT, IT’S STILL BULLSHIT. [Joe.My.God. / Offshore Wind Facts]
OPEN THREAD.
Are You OK, Google AI? Do You Need A Policeman Or A Grownup?
Sure, Trump Tearing Down White House, But At Least Is Not Black Man With Feet On Resolute Desk
Elon Musk Can’t Even Build Robots Capable Of A Robot Apocalypse
EPA All Whoops Hahaha Global Warming What? Also F*ck You.
But What If We Could Vaccinate Against Windmill Cancer? What If We Painted The Wind Turbines Gold?
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