TFW Some Weird Old Man Keeps Telling You He’s Not A Pee Guy



“I’m not into golden showers,” he told the crowd. “You know the great thing, our great first lady — ‘That one,’ she said, ‘I don’t believe that one.’ “

That’s the 45th president of the United States, with maybe the most eloquent thing he said all week. Maybe it’s true, maybe it isn’t, but he just needed to tell folks. The (former) first lady (he forgot to say former) doesn’t even believe it. She said she doesn’t believe it.

If an old man walked up to you at Walmart and said that, you’d call the police and also the store manager.

If your father said that, you’d call a neurologist. And then probably his urologist.

But when the 45th president says it, it trends on Twitter, and we all just marvel that we’re still here.


Donald Trump has been on a roll this week. We loved it when he said Republicans simply wouldn’t vote in 2022 or 2024 if they don’t “solve the Presidential Election Fraud” and declare him the retroactive 2020 election winner in a giant coronation/I’m sorry ceremony. As the Washington Post notes, GOP insiders loved that, since they’re all fairly certain a big part of why they lost two Georgia Senate seats on the same day in January is because Trump was too busy bitching about his election loss and spreading his Big Lie to fire up the base to get out and vote.

“It gives everyone cold sweats over the Georgia situation and the prospect he could have some impact again,” said a party strategist the Post talked to.

At this same retreat full of donors and insiders — the National Republican Senatorial Conference (NRSC) conference in Palm Beach — where Trump told everyone he’s not a pee guy, even though nobody at the event had suggested he was a pee guy, or that he might be interested in some after dinner Netflix ‘n’ Pee, Trump also took full credit for the state of the GOP today:

“It was a dying party, I’ll be honest. Now we have a very lively party,” he said, to a room of senators, donors and lobbyists[.]

No golden showers, though.

And he bitched about Mitt Romney. And he bitched about Ben Sasse. And he bitched some more about the “terrible thing” that “they” had done to him, by stealing the election he totally won, despite receiving gabillions fewer votes from humans.

And he whined about getting impeached a whole buncha times: “It was all phony s—, okay. All phony stuff.”

And then he said oh hey, in case anybody was thinking he might be into pee — you know, for SOME reason, they might think that — he clarified that he’s not into it. No pee for him.

“I’ll have three sexes, hold the pee,” that’s probably how Trump requests intercourse. Which just reminds us for some reason of that time Trump reportedly called Stephanie Grisham from Air Force One to say his penis is DECIDEDLY NOT shaped like a little toadstool.

The event continued:

After extensively praising Chinese President Xi Jinping for his intellect and touting his good relationship with Russian President Vladimir Putin, he also returned to his long-standing hatred of windmills …

God. Dammit.

You know that part toward the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey when HAL is singing the same song over and over and over and over and over and over and over, but more and more and more slowly until he’s finally shut down forever?

We feel like there’s some kind of parallel here, but we’re not sure if Trump’s last very deeeeeeeeep and sloooooooow word will be “golden showers” or “windmill,” oh well, guess we’ll just have to wait to find out, the end.

[Washington Post]

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