After three and a half years living by the Bazball sword, Brendon McCullum’s stint as England coach appears to be in its death throes.
What was initially seen as a breath of fresh air for England cricket has been exposed as a smoke and mirrors illusion by the reality that they are no closer to winning the Ashes in Australia than last time around when Sydney rain saved them from the embarrassment of a 5-0 whitewash.
Talent is not the problem with this England squad.
The lack of success on this tour can be attributed to the cult-like mantra that McCullum has instilled in the players and administrators.
They know what’s best for this team and no one can tell them otherwise, whether it’s well meaning England greats like Michael Vaughan and Ian Botham, a former Bazball disciple in Stuart Broad or a disgruntled old Geoffrey Boycott, who is the antithesis of this style of cricket in every way.
The underlying theme from these former legends, the media and the fans is that England could be doing so much better if they tempered their all-out attacking approach with commonsense in certain situations.
Or as Boycott put it, by not being so far up their own backsides.
When you are off to a flyer at five runs an over in a Test, should you really be trying to up the ante even more?
If your team has lost a quick wicket or two, should you really continue trying to entertain the crowd instead of attempting to ensure the team does not suffer yet another batting collapse?
When you keep getting out while driving on the up outside off stump, is it time to have a few conversations about that problem area? Not according to batting coach Marcus Trescothick, who said the topic had not been raised in between the Perth disaster to start the series and the Gabba shellacking dished out in the second.
There clearly was an attempt to rein in the Bazball-style ballistic display in Brisbane with Joe Root batting like a Test batter and lo and behold being rewarded with his first hundred Down Under.
And with the match all but lost due to their recklessness the previous evening, skipper Ben Stokes and Will Jacks lasted through the opening session on Sunday to add 58 runs and make the Aussies spend 24 overs in the baking Brisbane sun without the reward of a wicket.
Outrageous.
If McCullum has drunk too much of his own Kool-Aid to ever change his coaching approach, then the ECB execs would be negligent in their duty if they did not consider an alternative.
Stokes has still got a few years left in him as a Test cricketer and with no clear alternative to replace him as captain, they can’t afford to punt him.
England need a coach with a similar attacking outlook whose tactics are malleable to the ebbs and flows of a five-day contest.
And one who instills accountability into the squad. At the moment, there is an overwhelming sense of entitlement emanating from the English players because they don’t fear being dropped.
Neser call correct but Lyon goes to waste
Queensland veteran Michael Neser came from the clouds to be the accidental hero in Brisbane with his haul of 5-42 in the second innings.
While the opposition play like they have an eternal right to their spot in the team, Neser plays every match in the baggy green cap like it’s his last, because it very well may be.
The selection panel copped plenty of criticism for picking Neser in front of Nathan Lyon, leaving Australia’s most prolific finger-spinner out of a home Test for the first time since 2012.
George Bailey and co were half right in giving Neser the nod.
They won the Test so nobody can say they made an error in going with four frontline quicks plus Cameron Green because Australia won the game.
But they would have been better off with Lyon to provide some variety.
That would have meant no room for Brendan Doggett, which would have been a tough call after he took five wickets in his debut Test, but the Gabba conditions suited Neser more so than his style of hitting the deck hard.
Lyon would have been handy to break the pace monotony and after averaging little more than 12 overs per hour, he would have ensured the Aussies would have been at least close to bowling their full allotment.
The 74 in total for day one was a poor reflection on how little modern teams care about over rates and how the ICC idly stands by to let them get away with it.
Carey par excellence
There has been plenty written and said about Alex Carey’s wicketkeeping and it’s hard to understate how skilful his display was in Brisbane.
Keeping up to the stumps to Neser and Scott Boland is no mean feat, particularly on a pitch that had cracks opening up to create plenty of up and down movement.
Some of his one-handed takes above his helmet while up to the quicks were as good as it gets when it comes to glovework.
Steve Smith was amazed by what he described as Carey’s magnetic-like ability for the ball to always find its way into his gloves.
Add in his 63 off 69 deliveries to ensure Australia’s promising start ballooned out to more than 500 in the first innings and Carey is undoubtedly the best keeper in world cricket.
On the other side, England’s propensity for selecting batters who can keep, rather than the other way around, again bit them on the behind.
Tufnell Fielding Academy beckons
Back in the 1990s when fans would make banners out of bed sheets, one of the most memorable was one adorned with “Phil Tufnell Fielding Academy” in honour of one of England’s most inept fielders of all time.
These days even he is shaking his head in disbelief from the ABC Radio commentary box at some of the team’s shambolic fielding efforts.
Jamie Smith has the tools to become a fine batter at Test level, even though he fell cheaply on both occasions in Brisbane, but he needs to improve his work behind the stumps to avoid becoming another Jonny Bairstow.
Keepers set the tone in the field and the fact that he spilled a regulation offering from Travis Head on three had a multiplying effect.
It meant that Head and Jake Weatherald were able to chalk up a rapid 77-run opening stand in reply to England’s relatively decent first-innings effort of 334.
And it also meant that Marnus Labuschagne could avoid the pink ball while it was shiny, hard and swinging, enabling him to settle into the crease with Weatherald to set the platform for Australia’s monster total.
Some of the other dropped catches by Ben Duckett and Brydon Carse would have resulted in looks of disbelief or the mandatory punishment of 10 push-ups from the local lower-grade club team.
This was a team that supposedly “over-prepared”, according to McCullum, because they had five training sessions in the 12 days between Tests.
That’s more days off than training sessions after copping a two-day Test thrashing.
England’s policy of letting players have frequent breaks on tour and train to a standard that they feel comfortable with is not only adding an extra Jofra Archer pillow to their comfort zone but also turning them into a lazy team.
And the results are there for all to see on the scoreboard … perhaps this is why they tried to claim that they were not obsessed with winning and losing.
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