Suicide after Divorce: 17 Reasons Why Men Give Up on Life

Why do Men Suicide After Divorce?

Men commit suicide after divorce at a rate of 3 – 4 times higher than women, a shocking divorce and suicide statistic.¹

According to the Canadian Mental Health Association and American Psychological Association, the loss of a marriage explains the higher risk of suicide for men after.

“The tipping point for many men is divorce,” says Prof. John Oliffe, a University of B.C. psychology researcher.

Professor Oliffe is part of a team fighting male depression and suicide.

“Divorce is a significant factor in suicide because divorced men are at high risk of becoming isolated.

There are so many examples of good men ending their own lives.”

North American divorced men are eight times more likely to commit suicide than women.

Professor AJ Kposowa used data to analyze the effects of marital status on suicide risk.

At the Department of Sociology, the University of California Professor Kposowa found that divorced men were more than twice as likely to commit suicide as married men.

And he found that divorced men are almost ten times more likely to kill themselves than divorced women.²

The yearly rates of suicide for divorced men highlight the urgency of this disaster.

The research of AJ Kposowa reveals that each year, more than 3,600 divorced men — about ten every day — commit suicide.³

Divorce should mean the end of a marriage, not the end of life, for a man, or a woman.

Flawed Divorce Process

Something is wrong with a divorce process that results in the suicide deaths of so many men, fathers, husbands, sons, and brothers.

Why should any man marry knowing that there are precise data that divorce means certain death for so many men?

And for every divorced man that commits suicide, his children are left behind, haunted, and traumatized by their father’s death.

First, the children have the trauma of their parent’s divorce.

Second, they experience the unimaginable permanent loss of their father.

Not to mention the families of the divorcing men who prefer to kill themselves rather than live.

The higher suicide rates among divorced men are an indictment of the flawed legal divorce process.

No divorce should end in death, only an amicable separation of the marriage.

We must condemn the legal divorce process, which results in the death of 3,600 men every year.

Read the research paper of AJ Kposowa research paper on divorce and suicide risk here: https://jech.bmj.com/content/57/12/993

My Husband Killed Himself After We Split Why Did He Do It?

Do you wonder “why did my husband kill himself after we split”?

Or why did your son, brother, or father commit suicide after divorce?

The answers are as complicated as a relationship breakdown, but keep reading, because this article will:

• explain why men suicide after divorce
• and help prevent men from committing suicide after divorce
• plus, serve as a survival guide for divorced and separated men

and is based on my book ZEHHU: Crossing the Bridge from Depression to Life which chronicles how new lifestyle habits such as deadlifts, saved my life after divorce.

17 horrific reasons why men suicide after divorce

The wrong reasons assumed for why men suicide after divorce

Some say that men commit suicide after divorce because they do not want to pay child support or alimony.

Let’s examine that assumption; is that a plausible reason for a man to suicide?

A man who has spent most of his waking hours supporting his family.

Will such a man decide to take his own life now because he cannot bear the thought of providing for his kids?

The answer, of course, is no.

It is akin to saying that people will commit suicide when their taxes go up.

Or because they have to pay higher health care premiums.

This accusation smacks of snarky gender condescension.

It is an insult to the men who do commit suicide.

To trivialize the act of suicide down to escaping a financial burden, no matter how heavy that weight is.

Some claim men cannot handle the rejection of their wives.

However, divorce from a spouse is a different issue than divorce from your children.

The parents are the ones who divorce.

No man or woman should suffer separation from their children.

Men do not commit suicide after divorce because they cannot see their ex again.

Men commit suicide after divorce when they no longer have a relationship with their children.

Others say men suicide after divorce because men need a woman to take care of them — what a ridiculous reason for a man to give up on life.

What follows is a fuller picture of why divorce and suicide are more of an issue for men than women.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIDEO_ID

After Divorce Life for a Man

#1. The Deadbeat Dad Libel

Who is a deadbeat?

The father, of course.

Even if he pays the child support and alimony imposed by the court.

Why is the father always a deadbeat?

Because the child support and alimony payment will always result in less money for his ex and kids.

The divided family now has to support two rents or two mortgages for two households.

His ex and kids will feel the pain of less money as a result of the divorce.

Access to less money than in the past leads to open hostility toward the father.

Even if he pays the exact amount ordered by the court, there is a new false narrative that he does not pay his fair share.

Do you think you can escape being accused of deadbeat dad if you are a famous millionaire?

If even Brad Pitt cannot avoid the label of a deadbeat dad, what chance does the common man have?

Now Pitt pals are fuming to Page Six of the New York Post that the “Seven” star has been forking over hundreds of thousands a month — and that Jolie is just trying to smear her ex by claiming he’s a “deadbeat dad.”

Daddy For Life: 10 Ways to Avoid Being a Deadbeat Dad

• Edgecombe, James (Author)
• English (Publication Language)
• 94 Pages – 08/06/2012 (Publication Date) – CreateSpace Independent Publishing…

#2. Alienation and Estrangement from Children

What happens when the mother considers the division of money by the court to be unfair?

Or fair but still unsatisfactory?

The father almost has no chance of ever having a good relationship with his children again.

His status changes from dad to’ deadbeat dad.’

The mother will impute that the father can afford more money than the court decided.

He is in a losing battle for the heart and minds of his kids.

As a result of this dissatisfaction, the mother influences the children to hate their father for lack of financial support.

Whether this influence is intentional or not, the result is alienation or estrangement.

Misery is unmet expectations.

In this case, the problem occurs when the mother expects a larger share of the monthly income.

Who is the target of this misery?

The father.

It is unbearable for a man to feel loathing from his children.

Especially when he does his best to support them, he also has nowhere else to turn for more financial or social support network.

In this case, a man no longer feels that he has a reason to live.

The mental pain of loathing from his children is enough to send him over the edge.

The only option left at this point is to commit suicide, to get relief from this great pain of isolation and ridicule.

The constant demonization of a father can lead to permanent alienation or estrangement.

Can you imagine how a permanent estrangement from your children feels?

The separation between a father and his children is enough to cause clinical or situational depression after divorce.

Estrangement from children is the reason why divorce and suicide rates are so high for men.

The same reason that women are less likely to commit suicide is the same reason that divorced men are more likely to commit suicide.

The temporary or permanent estrangement from their children.

Do you fear alienation or separation from your children?

Divorce Poison New and Updated Edition: How to Protect Your Family…

• Amazon Kindle Edition
• Warshak, Dr. Richard A. (Author)
• English (Publication Language)
• 354 Pages – 07/12/2011 (Publication Date) – William Morrow Paperbacks…

#3. Financial Ruin

A man can end up paying 50 % of his income for child support and alimony, with another 20 or 30% on taxes and debt from legal fees.

If he is not well off, he will not feel much difference in his lifestyle.

The court does not have much to take from him.

Or, if he is wealthy, he can hire lawyers who will protect him from the court.

He, too, will not feel much of a difference after divorce.

Divorce will most affect the middle-class man.

He is in a financial crisis.

There is, for example, the refusal of the court to allow for any economic downturns.

If his business has a challenging year, the child support and alimony payments have no immediate sliding scale.

As a result, he is subject to monthly threats of arrest and jail by the child support agencies.

Forget about retirement in style.

In the old days, he dreamed of himself relaxing on the beach or in a second home.

Now, while sitting in his one-room apartment, he knows that one room might be as good as it gets.

After ten, twenty, or more years of working and saving, he now has to start all over again.

Suicide becomes a more attractive option than sitting and stewing for the rest of his life.

Especially when he knows that he might end up homeless on the streets.

There is also the threat of losing his professional license if he is not able to pay child support.

In contrast to the enforcement of child support, the court will not enforce visitation.

#4. Criminalization of a Law-Abiding Citizen

Men report feeling as if the judge or opposing attorney in the divorce court treats them like criminals.

But his job, which the divorce court holds with high regard, treats him like a human being.

This conflicting reality creates cognitive dissonance and severe stress.

At his job, from where the court assumes he will provide child support, he might feel a success, with a title and responsibility.

The divorce court, on the other hand, treats a man, a provider, a father, like a criminal.

This ravaging of a man’s self-esteem is another reason why there is a higher risk of suicide for men after divorce.

#5. Losing the Entire Structure of Family Life and Home

Yesterday, he had his wife and children around him.

Today he lives alone, without his family, especially without his children.

Before his divorce, he lived in a decent home and a good neighborhood.

But now, he finds himself in a:

• garage,
• or an apartment,
• his friends or mother’s basement, or
• living out of his car.

And he will soon have to return the car because he cannot afford to pay for the lease.

He realizes that he no longer has a home.

On top of that, he no longer has the funds to pay for his new small living quarters.

Wherever they may be.

This sense of no longer having contributes to a steep loss of self-esteem.

#6. Character Assassination

Men are vulnerable to character assassination by the court and their ex.

A common tactic of the opposing divorce lawyer is to persuade the judge that a father who loves his children is dangerous.

Or depressed.

Fear is a great persuader.

If the judge believes there is a credible fear that the father is unstable, he will lose his relationship with his kids.

All it takes is for the opposing side to accuse him of being dangerous.

Even if the accusation is false, he will have a difficult time proving it wrong.

And the judge will decide in favor of protecting the children from a’ dangerous father.’

#7. Inquisition by Supervision

Needing a supervisor to see your children is a huge humiliation.

Imagine if you can no longer be alone with your children.

This imposition of a supervisor further cements the idea in your children’s minds that you are dangerous.

As a result, their fear grows, and they no longer relish the idea of being in your company.

Not only do you now need to see your kids with a supervisor, but you also must pay for the time of the supervisor.

Imagine that humiliation.

#8. Cut Out of Your Life Portrait

Men after divorce are usually the ones who lose more than their marriage.

He also loses his children, friends, and family, who may now have become distant.

As a result, he no longer recognizes his life.

How do men after divorce feel about their life?

They feel cut out of their family portrait.

As if they no longer exist or never existed, because the family they helped to create, is gone.

#9. Shock

Men often do not see the signs that their relationship is in trouble.

By the time their wife decides to start divorce proceedings, it is too late.

Unfortunately for men, they are not great mind readers.

Unless their wife communicates that there are problems in their marriage.

It is not enough to say that he should have known there is a problem with the signs.

As a result, his wife knows that she is over and done with the marriage sometimes years before her husband ever had a clue.

When she pulls the trigger and serves him with divorce papers, he goes into shock.

And she does not, because she has been planning the divorce for months or even years.

The best way to deliver a message is to say it, especially when it comes to dissolving your entire family.

Not by giving hints or signs and expecting the other party to be aware.

Some say that 75 – 80 percent of the time, the husband is not aware that the divorce is already in process.

The shock of unexpectedly receiving divorce papers can put a man into a tailspin of severe depression, reduced self-esteem, bitterness, and anxiety.

His ex might have thought that ambushing him with divorce papers in his driveway to humiliate him in front of his kids, or at the office to embarrass him at work, was a fantastic idea.

But in the end, if he suicides due to the shock, she only hurts her children and his family.

#10. The Loss of Reality

This brings us to the point of nonexistence.

A man after divorce is more likely to feel as if he has lost all touch with reality.

For his ex, she remains in the marital home, and she stays with the children.

The child support agency, court, or court-appointed therapist will all assume that she is the stable parent.

She has the support of the court and the children.

She has the normalcy of life.

But for the man after divorce, he is now a pariah.

He is treated as if he is a criminal or a danger to society.

Suicide becomes preferable to living a life of degradation and nonexistence.

#11. Disgrace Kills, Not Divorce

The divorce process takes years.

It starts with public subpoenas and service of papers that cause immediate disgrace.

His work suffers because he has to deal with legal fees, court dates, and mountains of paperwork.

Every day is a day of disgrace.

The public nature of the divorce process is a killer.

It is not the divorce itself that kills, but the disgrace of the divorce process.

#12. A Catastrophic Year or More

The divorce process lasts years.

There is the risk of job loss because of the distraction of the divorce.

He loses his children, his marriage, his home, his friends, his career.

All of these losses cause depression and increase the risk of suicide.

#13. Loss of Love

The ex-wife keeps the love of the children.

The father only gets anger from his children over money.

He feels like an ATM machine.

There is no affection for him.

This lack of affection increases the risk of suicide.

#14. No Support

Men do not have emotional support.

They focus on work.

After divorce, the isolation intensifies.

This lack of support triggers suicide.

#15. Negative Side Effects of Antidepressants

The ex-wife pushes for antidepressants to gain advantage in court.

But the meds label the man as flawed and dangerous.

This leads to supervised visitation and estrangement.

Side effects like slowed movement, night sweats, insomnia double the suicide risk.

#16. No Future

Men see no good life path amid the struggles.

No relationship with kids — end life as meaning is gone.

#17. From Dad to ‘Visitor’, ‘Him’, or No Title at All

Recreating life after losses causes shock.

Demotion to visitor humiliates catastrophically.

Why Men Do Not Want to Marry

The go-solo movement grows; men avoid marriage risks.

Children of divorce, especially suicide victims, see bias and deter from marrying.

How Divorce and Suicide Courts Kill Off Men

Divorce courts are a “slaughterhouse” for men.

Story of Jeramey A. (Canada) suicide after court destruction: battles with ex-wife, fiancée, wife over $8,000/month support.

Rigged truck to break neck.

Note: “FAMILY LAW NEEDS REFORM… Parental alienation is devastating. I loved my children… I see no light.”

Bankrupt, $330,000 legal fees, lost homes/business, no daughters seen.

Courts, exes have “blood on their hands.”

Excerpt on custody/support bias (85% women custody, 94% support).

Personal Stories:

• Jeramey A.’s story: Involved in legal battles, unpaid support led to bankruptcy, license/passport threats, pension loss, no child visits.
• Suicide note expresses love for children, despair, call for reform.
• Wife Angela regrets not seeing depths; “If he could have seen those girls, he could have handled all this.”
• Losses emasculated him.

The deadlift saved my life after divorce; deadlifts or some other physical activity can save yours too.

Do not give up—stay better, not bitter.

Life changes but does not end.

Work on yourself to avoid meds; get stronger pre/post-divorce.

Lose weight with free guide (lose 20 pounds in 3 months).

Stop processed foods, eat real food, strength train (12-week deadlift program or 3×5 workout).

Build body/mind for mental healing, stem suicide epidemic.

Take care post-divorce; minimal equipment for home deadlifts.

Never give up—create new life.

Based on book ZEHHU: Crossing the Bridge from Depression to Life (chronicles strength training saving author’s life after divorce).

ZEHHU: Crossing the Bridge from Depression to Life

• Amazon Kindle Edition
• Isaac, Ben (Author)
• English (Publication Language)
• 172 Pages – 01/11/2016 (Publication Date) – Chalfant Eckert Publishing…

Additional books: Daddy For Life, Divorce Poison, Winning Your Divorce, No Breakup Can Break You.

Warning: For suicide ideation, call 911 or 1-800-273-8255.

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¹ Source: CDC Suicide Statistics.

² Source: AJ Kposowa Study.

³ Source: AJ Kposowa Research.