River’s birth story

A fast, furious, embodied and empowering birth – sharing River’s birth story in its entirety!

Let me start off with a little back story for context. On Friday, December 27th, at 30 weeks pregnant, I found out I had gestational diabetes. I was shocked, confused, angry, sad, in denial, scared…As someone who has worked really hard to find peace with food, I was upset about having to be more rigid with what I was eating.

ESPECIALLY because Steve and I had our baby moon to the Bahamas planned that following week. A baby moon spent pricking my fingers 4x/day, stressing over blood sugar levels, and skipping the virgin pina coladas?! I didn’t skip the coladas but I also stressed way too much about food and my sugars and it put a big damper on our getaway. Needless to say, I want a redo someday on the carefree Bahamas vacay.

Once we got back home and into our routine, I was able to manage my post meal sugars well but my fasting sugars always hovered around 93-100 (they wanted them below 95). We took a wait-and-see approach for needing to start nighttime insulin.

I really didn’t want to start insulin because then I would’ve been induced at 39 weeks and I’d have to switch my care from my certified nurse midwife who I had a relationship with to an OB who I never met before. This was the practice’s standard protocol.

As we approached 37/38 weeks, my fasting sugars started to creep up a little more. I’d have 3 days of slightly elevated fasting levels and then 4 days of normal levels. My endocrinologist and later a MFM doctor told me I was very borderline for starting insulin and my endocrinologist didn’t really seem to know what to recommend “well, what did MFM say?” “She said to refer to you!” Gotta love too many cooks in the healthcare kitchen.

At 38 weeks and 4 days I was STRESSIN. I had my midwife appointment the next day and I didn’t have a clear picture of what was going to happen (I mean when it comes to childbirth do we really ever? no). But I wanted to know was I going to get induced in 3 days? Would I start on insulin for a few days before getting induced?

My anxiety started to get the best of me – I wanted to make “THE RIGHT” decision that would be the least risk to me and my baby. Between the gestational diabetes and testing positive for Group B Strep, I was worried that something was going to go wrong.

So I sent long winded messages to my endocrinologist and MFM doctor (who I previously met with because of a growth ultrasound that was concerning) trying to get more information so I could make an informed decision. I was also aggravated that my care couldn’t be more coordinated. Why cant ya’ll collaborate on my case and tell me your team recommendation?

38 weeks and 4 days was a Thursday. My last day of seeing my private practice clients and my second to last day of work. I had planned to do a bunch of admin / tying up loose ends work on Friday. And then the hope was I would have a week off before baby came. I scheduled some self care for that weekend and upcoming week.

JOKE’S ON ME.

I swear it’s as if River knew I was stressing and was like girl I got you. Let me make this decision for you.

That night I went to bed like any other night, uncomfortable with pubic symphysis pain, but nothing felt different (side note: Steve claims he had a sense that I was going to go into labor that night when I went up to bed).

At 3:40 AM, I woke up and felt a little crampy. I was like hmmm this feels a little different and also vaguely familiar (to 4 years ago when I woke up at 2am feeling crampy the night I went into labor with Luca). So I stood up to use the bathroom (as one does in the middle of the night when they are 38 weeks preggo).

And when I stood up, water leaked out. I’m like oh shit. But this time it wasn’t an obvious gush of water (like I had with Luca) but it was more than a trickle. And as someone with good bladder control, I’m like that didn’t feel like me peeing myself lol.

So I went to the bathroom, actually peed, checked my undies and I was like hmmm that looks clear but a little too shiny to be pee.

I walked out of the bedroom calling for Steve (he was in Luca’s room because we have a toddler that doesn’t like to sleep through the night alone). “Can you come here?” He knew. He said he knew as soon as he saw I turned on the light in our bedroom lol.

Now if you’ve never heard or read Luca’s birth story, you have to know this. Luca came unexpectedly fast. My entire labor was 4.5 hours start to finish. And they say your second comes even faster. Logistically, this time around was more complicated too. We needed someone to stay with Luca and we moved to the burbs last fall so we were about 30 minutes from friends and 30 minutes from the hospital (with little to no traffic).

Because of my fast labor with Luca, I was told to pretty much go right to the hospital at a first sign of labor. I told Steve to call our friends Lauren and Brent who were the first on our “on call” list of generous friends who volunteered to help out with Luca if I went “early”. Meanwhile, I called my midwife practice.

The midwife who called me back clearly didn’t read my chart before she called. She asked questions about my water breaking. “Usually it’s a gush”. I know, I know. But I told her it wasn’t a trickle and I was pretty certain it wasn’t pee. She told me I could put on a pad and if it was my water breaking, I would see more coming out onto the pad. She said I could wait an hour and see if I start having regular contractions (I was only having mild cramping at that time).

I told her that I had a really fast labor with my first and she paused and she’s like “oh, oh okay. I’m just reading your chart and yes I see that now. There’s a note that says tell her to come to the hospital when she calls” (LOL). She’s like “okay actually I think you should just come right in then.”

As we waited for our friend to arrive to our house while Luca slept, we gathered our (packed, thankfully) hospital bags and last minute things like my bed pillow. I changed out of my PJs and into comfy clothes. Steve and I shared words about how we “weren’t ready” and had work to do that day. I told him I had to transfer my website management to a different agency today.

I started getting contractions and opened up a contraction timer app to see if they were happening regularly, and sure enough they were, every ~ 3 minutes. Yes, within ~10 minutes I went from mild cramping to regular contractions every 3 minutes. Told ya I labor fast.

Our friend, Brent, made it to us in record time – 20 minutes! Thank goodness for going into labor in the middle of the night and there being no cars on the road.

We told him what time Luca might wake up, told him to make himself at home, he wished us good luck, and we were on our way.

As soon as we got into the car, I texted my Mom and Dad (who were also on call) at 4:12AM and said “Heading into the hospital. Think it’s happening. Will keep you posted.” Also while in the car, I busted out my business credit card and purchased the plan for my new website management agency (because my other agency was scheduled to exit the site that day). Nothing like a little last minute work while speeding to the hospital to give birth!

We arrive at Newton Wellesley Hospital, also in record time, thanks to Steve speeding and it being 4 in the morning. We park in the ER parking lot because the entrance to Labor & Delivery (L&D) ward is locked after hours. It feels a little like deja vu honestly. We arrived to the same lot around the same time in the middle of the night as my first labor.

We get out of the car, Steve grabs our bags, and we walk toward the ER entrance, stopping a couple times on the way for me to work through contractions.

The staff member at the entrance just stares at us as we walk in. Steve says “labor and delivery?” And he points down the hall and gives us directions on how to get to the L&D ward. I’m like that’s weird I remember being wheeled in a wheelchair to L&D last time. But we start walking down the hall, me crouching over in pain, until a woman calls after us. “Excuse me, are you IN labor?”

UH YAH.

“Sorry, come this way, we need to check you into triage.”

They check me in. We do some admin paperwork. They page L&D. Check my vitals. Then the L&D nurse comes to get me with a wheelchair (THERE SHE IS – the wheelchair, not the RN). Actually I don’t even know if she’s a nurse or who she is because I’m pretty sure she doesn’t introduce herself or maybe she does and I’m starting to be in my labor third dimension. But I honestly thought she was an aid until she started poking my veins in antenatal.

They wheel me to the antenatal room and they’re asking me medical questions and about my birth plan and trying to put an IV in in-between contractions. They stick me with the needle. Blow my vein. Oh I’m sorry we’re going to have to do that again. Contraction. Stick me again. Blow another vein. I’m so sorry. This went on two more times before they finally called in a senior nurse to give me an IV. The nurses in recovery saw my bruised arms and said “honey, what happened to you?!” But seriously, blown veins make some gnarly looking bruises.

At this point I know I’m in labor for real so I tell Steve to text my parents at 5:23AM. “It’s happening Kara requests booking the flight”.

Now the midwife on call, Nicole (goes by Nicki), comes into the room. She’s really bubbly and friendly and positive but not in an annoying way, in a reassuring way. I also can’t stop staring at her sweet sleeve tats. The nurses are asking again about my birth plan (I never gave my midwife my birth plan because she told us we would review it at my 38 week visit – which was scheduled in like 6 hours). They ask me if I want an epidural (which my birth plan says don’t ask me if I want one – I will tell you if I want one). I must have been asked at least 3 separate times if I wanted an epidural.

Nicki, who must have seen my birth plan for Luca in my chart, said “she wants to start with nitrous (oxide gas) first. She had a ‘natural’ birth, no epidural, with her first.” By this time my contractions are pretty intense. The midwife is going to do a cervical check but she’s coaching me through the contractions right now. “Relax your shoulders, relax your jaw…” “You’re doing great, mama.”

Checks my cervix. “You’re 7 centimeters dilated. Fully effaced. You definitely came in at the right time.” She also said she could feel my water bag but wasn’t sure what was going on – that maybe it was partially blocked and that’s why I didn’t experience that full gush.

Nicki tells me we’re ready to go to the L&D room and she’ll see me in there. She tells the nurses she’ll put in the order for antibiotics for my group B strep.

Steve is now trying to coach me through contractions. “Relax,” he keeps saying. Relax. Poor Steve. He’s only trying to replicate what he heard Nicki saying minutes before. But this general statement to “relax” repeated again and again sends me over. I’m like “You gotta stop telling me to relax.” Like I understand the intention but I’m not at the spa babe, I’m in the worst pain of my LIFE. Relaxing? Not in the cards for me right now.

As they push my hospital bed into the L&D room, I start to feel like I could cry. Because I know this is the room where I will meet my son so so soon. It feels oddly nostalgic too – I’ve been here before. This is where the magic happened.

Magic is going to happen again here.

They try to get the nitrous machine. They hook me up to the monitors. Contractions are so painful now. I begin to doubt myself. How much longer is this going to be until I’m fully dilated? I don’t know if I can make it (without an epidural). They wheel the nitrous machine in and hook it up. Then the most piercing annoying loud alarm starts going off on the machine. And I’m trying to relax between contractions. “What is that noise?! Can someone make it stop?!”

The nurse tells another nurse to get the machine out of the room. And to find a different one.

I ask Steve to put on my labor playlist. I need music to help ground me after that alarm shook me.

They bring back another machine. They try to coach me on how to use it. Breathe in and breathe out with your contractions. I breathe in but it’s hard to take a long, full breath. Even harder to breathe out into this mask because my exhale is basically a loud moan / growl / scream? at this point. It’s not helping the pain. I give up on it after a couple attempts.

“Can someone dim the lights?” The nurses look to Nicki, now in the room, for her approval. She nods her head yes.

“I don’t see the order in here,” the nurse says (she’s referring to the antibiotic order). “I put it in.” “It’s not in here.” Nicki leaves to go put in the order again. I was supposed to get this antibiotic asap so it had time to get into my system before I delivered.

When Nicki comes back in, I tell her I think I’m ready to start pushing. My contractions feel different. Way more intense. I feel like I want to bear down. I remember this feeling with Luca. When I was in transition.

She nonchalantly says “I can do another cervical check if you want.” Um YES. She asks if I’m okay if she does it after the next contraction is over. I’m like GIRL LET’S GO.

Around 5:50AM, she checks my cervix. “Yup, you’re fully dilated. Do you feel like you want to start pushing?” Most definitely.

I start bearing down with contractions. I am lying on my left side. The nurse is to the left of me with her medical charting stand so Steve is to my right. Because of this I’m squeezing the heck out of the bed rail, not Steve’s hand this time (lucky Steve’s hand). But he’s coaching me through every contraction. And by coaching I just mean encouraging me I guess? Saying things like “you’re doing great hunny, you got this.”

It feels chaotic around me. The nurses seemed very green and everyone seemed like they were rushing around and confused about this antibiotic order. No one was helping me or asking if I needed anything.

I had to ask myself.

“Can I get some water?”

“Can I get a cold towel for my forehead?” (I be sweatin’)

“Can I get another cold towel for my neck?”

“Can you put on my playlist?”

“Can you dim the lights?”

With Luca, the L&D nurses were way more on top of it. Offering all those things without me asking. Applying counter pressure on my back with contractions.

This time, there was just frantic energy around me. But I was like only half there. I was aware of the chaos around me but also in my own little world too.

“You need to relax your hand,” the nurse says. Then she starts tampering with the IV in my arm. Apparently when squeezing the bed rail, I messed with it and the antibiotic couldn’t be administered. The chaos, I found out later from Steve, was them not being able to figure out why they kept getting an error message for pushing the antibiotic.

One of the nurses asked me if she could lift my upper leg – yes that’s fine. And she started to coach me through pushing. When to breathe in and when to bear down and when to breathe out.

With each contraction, Nicki would say “so intense” “you’re doing awesome.” I appreciated the comment of “so intense”. It was simple but felt like a validation. Yes this is intense. I see you doing the intense thing.

A gush of water. There’s the rest of that bag.

I started to feel a burning sensation but it wasn’t a searing burn like I experienced with Luca crowning. It was a less intense burn.

Nicki said “I see hair!” “Do you want to feel his head?” I reached down and touched the top of his soft head. A internal sigh of relief. A confirmation that we were close to the finish line.

“Okay he’s going to be here with this last push. I need you to give me one more really strong push.”

ARGHHHHHHHHHH I yelled. I pushed hard. I opened. I felt River emerge. But really it kind of feels like an alien is emerging.

At 6:09 AM, I took a breath. River took a breath (he cried).

The cry that floods you with relief. He’s here. He’s okay.

The midwife hands him to me and he lays on my chest. I cry. Sobs of happiness. Sobs of relief.

I did it. I fucking did it.

In that moment, all the hardships of my pregnancy – the intense anxiety, the pain, the nausea, the vomiting, the gestational diabetes, the depression, it all felt worth it. THIS. It was for HIM. And he’s here. On my chest. He is perfection.

I that moment, I fell in love all over again.

I kept saying to River, “You’re here! You’re finally here.” “We did it.”

For nine months my mental health was shit. And now, pure joy and happiness and purpose. The shift in my energy was palpable. Later that day Steve said “it’s nice to see you smile again.” Not that I hadn’t smiled in nine months lol but this smile was different. I couldn’t stop smiling. I was so happy.

Nicki congratulated me on the birth – she was in awe of my fast labor (2.5 hours from start to finish!) and kept saying wow your body really knows how to labor. “You’re a rockstar.” “That was incredible.”

I felt strong. I felt capable. I felt so much gratitude for my body. I also felt in awe of my body and what she was capable of.

With Luca’s birth, I felt scared. I felt disconnected. I felt traumatized afterward.

This labor was even faster and more furious and yet, I felt more empowered and embodied. I felt like a badass. I just had another unmedicated birth where I got to feel everything and be in my body (not that there is anything wrong with a medicated labor).

I rode that high for the rest of my hospital stay.

My umbilical cord was still pulsating for a bit so they delayed cord clamping until it was done and then Steve helped cut the cord. Nicki told me I didn’t have any tearing this time (I had three tears with Luca). “Seriously?!”, I said. “That’s amazing.” She said Luca helped pave the way for River.

They gave me a shot of Pitocin to help stop the bleeding.

One of the nurses asked me if I wanted to see my placenta. Normally I’m not into this sort of thing. Blood skeeves me out. But I had just finished reading a chapter all about the placenta in Like a Mother: A Feminist’s Journey through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy by Angela Garbes so was intrigued to see it. It was huge. She showed me the side that faced me and the side that faced baby. She showed me what they refer to as ‘the tree of life”, a branch of blood vessels on the fetal side of the placenta.

Birthing bodies are incredible.

I’m so grateful that River’s birth unfolded the way it did. That labor started in the middle of the night so we could get the care we needed and to the hospital quickly and safely (if this happened during rush hour traffic, I would’ve had him in the car!). That my body and River made the decision for when labor would start and that it happened spontaneously.

I’m grateful for my birth with Luca so that I felt more mentally prepared for a fast and furious labor this time. Grateful for my body, for my physical and mental strength, for Steve and my midwife. Grateful for our friends and family who were on call to help us.

I’m grateful to have had an empowering and embodied birthing experience.

On February 28th, at 6:09AM, River Avery was born. And my heart forever expanded.

For more pregnancy-related content check out my posts below:

I’m Pregnant! 1st Trimester Recap
Second Trimester Recap + Recommendations
Third Trimester Recap + Recommendations