How To Tell If A Girl Likes You

At a happy hour for my husband’s work, I found myself chatting up his team of developers, mostly guys in their twenties and thirties who…well, were exactly what you’d expect from a group of developers living in a mid-size city in their twenties and thirties. Smart, slightly nerdy, not totally self-aware. Cocktails and passed apps in-hand, we wound up deep in the weeds on dating, with the guys confiding in me that they don’t always know how to tell if a girl likes you.

Two Beefeater martinis in, and being the over-sharer that I am, I was more than happy to talk romance with these relative strangers.

They listened as I relayed some tried and true tips from my dating days that still hold today. One particularly rapt participant may have had his notes app open.

So, how do you know a woman is interested?

As a woman who’s navigated the murky waters of attraction (and occasionally sent out a few confusing signals myself, to be fair), I believe I’m well-suited to offer insight for the guys out there wondering, Does she… like me?

It can feel like cracking a secret code, but there are clues to look for.

So, it’s time to ditch the overthinking. Wha to do instead? Pay attention to the signs she’s interested, whether you’re strangers in a crowded room, bumping into her at a party, or connecting regularly on a friendly text chain.

How to tell if a woman likes you

Not every situation is the same. Let’s go through three scenarios.

The Stranger

You’re grabbing a coffee or browsing a bookstore, and suddenly you catch a woman looking at you.

The question: is it just a random glance, or is there something more brewing?

One key indicator is sustained attention.

Signs she’s attracted to you:

• If she’s looking at you: This might seem obvious, but it’s the repeat glances that tell you she could be interested. Our eyes tend to drift, but if you notice her gaze lingering on your handsome face, or if you catch her looking multiple times, there’s interest there!
• What to do: Here’s your subtle move. Make brief eye contact – just a second or two – and then look away. The magic happens in the follow-up. If you glance over again in a few moments and her eyes meet yours again, well, my friend, the odds are tilting in your favor. She’s likely curious about the guy who noticed her noticing him. From there, approach her and introduce yourself.

The Acquaintance

This is the woman you see only occasionally. Maybe she works on a different floor of your building and you share small chat in the elevator. Or she’s friends with your neighbor who invites you over for weekend drinks on the shared patio. She could be the crush you cross paths at your Saturday morning Pilates class.

When the dynamic shifts from fleeting glances to actual interactions, you may start wondering if it’s just friendly banter between the two of you, or if there’s an opening to ask her out.

This is where you want to look for her effort as an interest indicator.

Signs she likes you:

• She makes an effort: This is a big one. Does she proactively seek you out? At a party, does she gravitate towards your corner of the room? Does she proactively suggest grabbing coffee “sometime soon” after a shared workout? She’s not just being nice.
• What to do: Pick up the conversational baton and run with it! If she indicates that she’s interested in spending time on purpose together, that’s your cue to make plans. And don’t be wishy washy about it (“Yeah, we should hang out sometime!”). Suggest a time, and a place, and don’t let it be too long. A few days from the interaction is best.

These are signs a girl is attracted to you. Do with them what you will!

The Friend

This can be the trickiest territory. After all, you already have a rapport, shared history, maybe even inside jokes. You’re friends. But, you wounder, could you be more?

So, how do you decipher if her feelings are evolving beyond the platonic? Look for subtle shifts in the dynamic.

Signs she likes you as more than a friend:

• She pays you compliments unlike those she says to other friends: We compliment our friends all the time. “I like that shirt!” “That was a funny story!” But pay attention to the kind of compliments she offers you. Are they more personal? Perhaps about your intelligence, your sense of humor in a specific situation, or even your appearance in a way that feels a little different than how she talks to the rest of the group? This could mean she’s seeing you in a new light.
• When you casually ask about her plans, she makes it clear she’s free to spend time together: Friends make plans, sure. But notice the enthusiasm and openness. If you mention you’re thinking of checking out a new movie and she immediately says, “Oh, I’m free! Let’s go,” without needing to consult her entire social calendar, it suggests she prioritizes spending time with you.
• Physical touch: A single light touch on the arm during a conversation could be friendly, but repeatedly making contact could be a subtle way of testing the waters. Context is key here. Is she generally a touchy-feely person with everyone, or does she seem to initiate more physical contact with you specifically?
• Laughing at your jokes: Okay, this one is tough. As a woman, I can attest that we sometimes laugh politely, even if the joke falls a little flat. The key here is genuine laughter – the kind that crinkles her eyes and makes her throw her head back. If she consistently finds your humor genuinely amusing, it’s a good sign. Especially if others don’t find you so amazingly amusing.

Now, your romance antenna is up. What’s your next move?

• What to do: In this instance, the best thing to do is give her the “acquaintance” treatment from the previous scenario. Ask her out, making your romantic intentions clear. If she’s not into it, she’ll tell you and you can back off.

Of course, the stakes are higher here. If she rejects your advances, it could mean you’ll want to cool off the friendship, giving her less of your time and attention.

In my opinion, that’s better than carrying a torch for someone who doesn’t like you like you like them.

The bottom line? Deciphering attraction will never be an exact science, much to my developer pals’ left brain leanings.

But by paying attention to the subtle cues women are giving – the lingering glances, the invested effort, the unique compliments, and the enthusiastic openness to spending time together – you’ll have a much better sense of whether that spark you’re feeling between you and her might just be mutual.

Ultimately, the best way to know for sure if she’s interested? Be brave and put yourself out there.

Introduce yourself to the stranger at the bookshop. Ask the friend of a friend out to dinner, one-on-one. Confide in your wingwoman that you don’t want her help picking up other women; you want to pick her up. She could say no, but she could say yes! And isn’t that exciting?

Tl;dr? When it comes to romance: it’s no risk, no reward!

More dating and relationship resources from SG HQ:

How to Have More Rizz with Women

Improve Your Posture, Boost Your Confidence

5 Tips for Having a Great First Date

How Not to Raise “Beige Flags” in Dating

3 Things Men Do That Women Love