Here Are The … *Checks Notes* … EIGHT House Republicans Cool With You Using Birth Control

Yay, uterus-havers! You can relax because it turns out everybody was wrong and the Republicans aren’t really coming for contraception next, and everything will be fine because …

Wait what? What did you say? You said the House of Representatives held a vote to make sure the right to contraception was guaranteed nationwide and how many Republicans voted for it? Eight? How many voted against that? ONE-HUNDRED-NINETY-DAMN-FIVE?

OK then yes sure, please go back to panicking.

The Right To Contraception Act, it’s called, and it of course “faces an uncertain path” in the Senate, because it’s a lot to expect the Senate to act as a governing body. It covers pretty much all the major kinds of contraception, and it’s yet another response to Clarence Thomas’s concurring opinion overturning Roe in which he explained that anything he deems slutty that doesn’t personally involve his pubes is a sin.

The House Republicans who think it is fine to have heterosexual P-in-V sex without the threat of a pregnancy are:

1. Liz Cheney (WY)

2. Brian Fitzpatrick (PA)

3. Anthony Gonzalez (OH)

4. John Katko (NY)

5. Adam Kinzinger (IL)

6. Nancy Mace (SC)

7. Maria Salazar (FL)

8. Fred Upton (MI)

Bob Gibbs of Ohio and Mike Kelly of Pennsylvania voted “present,” but maybe they misunderstood the assignment and thought the question was “are you wearing any contraception right now” and they just walk around with condoms on their peens at all times, you don’t know, maybe that’s what it is, not looking it up, not that committed to bringing you information right now. “Present!”

You will note that there continues to be remarkable overlap between the Republicans who voted to codify marriage equality in federal law, who voted for this, and also think it’s “bad” when presidents incite terrorist attacks to overthrow democracy because they’re having a temper tantrum over losing an election. Indeed, every rep listed above also voted for the marriage equality bill.

Oh also by the way, The Recount notes that half the Republicans listed above are quitting at the end of the year. So.

Let’s be clear of course that the 195 Republicans who voted against contraception also are of the belief that you should not be able to abort the pregnancy being forced upon you after you were denied contraception. The point for many of these people is that there must be consequences for sex. There must be punishment because there are rules because many of these people believe in a teeny tiny weirdass nerdfucker God who spends most of His (His, dammit!) holy godly spare time obsessing over human genitals.

Now, Wonkette will be entirely fair and note that there is an alternate Republican contraception bill, introduced by GOP Reps. Mariannette Miller-Meeks and Ashley Hinson. It is weak sauce and doesn’t cover all the contraceptives the real bill covers. And yes, this is the real bill. If you can’t vote for the real bill, then fuck you, asshole. Good paragraph of Wonkette being entirely fair, Wonkette!

You’ve got to get a load of what some of these anti-contraception, anti-abortion moron lawmakers had to say about this.

Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers called the bill a “trojan horse for more abortions.” How? She does not fucking know, but you can watch her having that verbal diarrhea right here.

Rep. Debbie Lesko said this was all part of the “extreme abortion-on-demand agenda.” That’s right, contraception. Because you know what happens when contraception is OK? Abortions. Also GFY with the “abortion on demand” shit, OF FUCKING COURSE abortion should be “on demand,” as in when a pregnant person says “I need an abortion.”

Then there was Rep. Kat Cammack:

Rep. Kat Cammack, R-Fla., said the bill violates “religious rights” and called it a bill by Democrats who invoke “states that they cannot name banning contraceptives.”‘

“Y’all are a real piece of work,” she said on the House floor.

LOL what?

She also called it the “Right to Deception Act” and definitely thinks it’s about making more abortions happen.

Nice to see Republicans really showing Americans what they’re really like right now.

It is just … hoo boy, FUCK. They are making metric fucktons of free ads for Democrats come November.

Join us at 8 p.m. eastern for House Jan. 6 Select Committee hearings, and now it is your OPEN THREAD!

[NBC News]

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