CHRIST, Pete Hegseth Is An Emotional Drunk We Mean Sober Guy

Oh, for God’s sake, they are not going to let this go.

Donald Trump, as of this writing, is still posting and reposting “truths” on Truth Social praising himself for coming up with the most impressive and brilliant strategy ever devised for shooting a few missiles at some non-moving targets in Iran, and then apparently not destroying them.

Trump announced yesterday afternoon that his wayward boy Secretary Shitfaced K. Whiskeydick would be doing a very important press conference this morning to tell us what REALLY happened in that Iran bombing mission. That his secretary of Defense (War!) would explain that the pilots who did the mission were “very upset!” They flew and flew, they bombed, they did a LEGENDARY success, and then immediately the Fake News started saying (based on preliminary US intelligence assessments) that the mission might not have been as TOTAL OBLITERATION as Trump and Secretary Obliterated initially claimed. “They felt terribly!”

So Pete Hegseth would be doing this press conference this morning that “will prove both interesting and irrefutable. Enjoy!”

So that’s pathetic.

Trump VERY TOUCHY About His Little Bunker Busters’ Inability To Penetrate

Heather Cox Richardson hits the bullet points of what happened between yesterday and this morning in Trump’s desperate desire to prove that his little missile thingie was able to reach all the way into Iran’s bunker and make “pew pew pew!” sounds.

Before leaving NATO, Trump did a press conference where he word-pooped about “MSDNC” and “fake news,” blah blah blah, you know the five words he says. “Total obliteration,” yadda yadda.

Also said more than once that it was kind of like Hiroshima and Nagasaki, so we’ll give you some time to slide off your chairs laughing at that.

At the NATO presser, Secretary Shitfaced did his best huffing, puffing and fluffing, angrily announcing that there would be an FBI criminal investigation into who leaked the preliminary intelligence assessment. (They should check their Signal war plan chats first, to see if anybody accidentally drunkenly added hundreds of reporters to any of them! We are just suggesting.)

THOSE War Plans? Pete Hegseth Didn’t Know You Meant THOSE [hic] War Plans

Later in the day yesterday, they announced that they were going to stop sharing so much intelligence with Congress, because we guess they’re so scared intel is going to leak again before they have a chance to make up lies about how it was much bigger and tougher than it really was. “We are declaring a war on leakers,” said a Defense official, who probably should make sure Hegseth hasn’t set up a(nother?) Signal chat to brag to his wife and mommy about all the cool warfighting he’s doing, and totally [hic!] sober too!

But anyway, ABOUT THIS MORNING and Hegseth’s press conference.

It was as pathetic as it is was fact-free as it was sad as it was embarrassing. And Christ, what an emotional little priss Hegseth is.

Here is Whiskey Dick responding to a question from his former Fox News colleague Jen Griffin, who asked if they could be certain that Iran hadn’t moved its highly enriched uranium before they struck.

Shitfaced perfunctorily acknowledged her question, then lashed out: “Jennifer, you’ve been about the worst, the one who misrepresents the most intentionally!”

Uh … OK.

“I take issue with that,” she replied. “You have issues,” she said, before America’s God-bothering-est little (culture) warfighter interrupted her, but really she could have just put a period at the end of that sentence.

By the way, European officials are now saying that Iran’s uranium is “largely intact,” according to the Financial Times.

Here’s a clip that is the whiniest bitchass thing we have ever seen, and we promise every single one of our adversaries is passing this around talking about what a little candyass chickenshit America’s got serving as secretary of Defense. It is of the “lashing out at reporters” genre, just like the last one.

HEGSETH: “How many stories have been written about how hard it is to, I dunno, fly a plane for 36 hours? Has MSNBC done that story? Has Fox? Have we done that story how hard that is? Have we done it two or three times? So the American people understand, how about how hard it is to shoot a drone from an F-15 or -16 or F-35? Or what it’s like to maintain a Patriot Battery? Or how hard it is to refuel mid-air? Giving the American people an idea of how complex and sophisticated this mission really was!”

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, oh my God, hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, wow.

Question: We know Whiskey Pete doesn’t have much experience with the different parts of the military that weren’t part of his specific, low-level service, but does he know that those planes have autopilot? Also, these are the the jobs these people were trained for. Americans don’t need fawning fascist articles about HOW HARD! they are. That’s not journalism, that’s Pete Hegseth’s tongue-in-ass white Nazi daddy issues, and we don’t really give a fuck to hear about them.

Anyway, there was more to that quote above, but it was all intended for an audience of one, speaking of tongue-in-ass.

Point is, Pete Hegseth is the softest motherfucker in the softest administration in American history. One of those journalists should write an article about that, or about how hard it is to type words about Hegseth because you have to take so many breaks to laugh at him.

Here is a supercut of a bunch of the funniest moments of the presser, courtesy of the Tennessee Holler:

“THE MOST COMPLEX AND SECRETIVE MILITARY OPERATION IN HISTORY!” Sure thing, bud. (White House Nazi Birth Of A Nation Barbie Karoline Leavitt also said today that “No other president in history could have ever dreamed of such a success.” My God.)

All this for a few quick strikes that weren’t even directed at a moving target. They bunky busted some bunkies with some bunky busters, and, um, yeah, again, sounds like they didn’t actually achieve mission accomplished AKA the eradication of the Iranian nuclear program.

But anyway, LMAO, such a dramatic boy, that Pete! Somebody should get him a drink to calm those nerves, NO WAIT JUST KIDDING NO DRINKS. He doesn’t do that anymore, he swears!

As Steve Benen notes at the Maddow Blog, Hegseth and the general with him, Dan Caine, didn’t have any actual new information to share in this morning’s presser, because this wasn’t about informing anyone. This was about giving the press a good public beating, for the amusement and gratification of the total loser in the White House who’s desperate to believe the world doesn’t think he’s a fucking clown.

And because it was Hegseth, it was melodramatic and unhinged and the sort of thing where, if you’re on the receiving end of the tantrum, you have to try with all your might not to laugh at them, because laughing will just make them angrier.

Trump got off, though:

In a post on Truth Social, Trump praised the Pentagon news conference that Hegseth and Caine held on Iran this morning. ‘One of the greatest, most professional, and most ‘confirming’ News Conferences I have ever seen!’ Trump wrote. The president then attacked the press just as Hegseth did during the briefing. ‘The Fake News should fire everyone involved in this Witch Hunt, and apologize to our great warriors, and everyone else!’

Well done, Pete! Does somebody have a napkin so the Defense secretary can wipe off his face?

If you want some actual new information about the Iran strikes, Laura Rozen writes in Diplomatic:

Former top European Union Iran nuclear negotiator Enrique Mora warned Wednesday that the June 21st U.S. strikes on Iran could be a turning point that makes Iran forego efforts to try to reach a nuclear deal with the United States, and possibly decide it needs to obtain nuclear weapons.

“This unprecedented strike has shown, for the second time, the Islamic regime that nuclear diplomacy is reversible, fragile and vulnerable to changes in leadership in Washington,” Mora wrote in Spain’s Politica Exterior magazine. “There will not be a third time.”

“If Iran now decides to move towards a bomb, it will do so following a clear strategic logic,” he wrote. “No one bombs the capital of a nuclear-armed country. June 21, 2025 may go down in history not as the day the Iranian nuclear program was destroyed, but as the day a nuclear Iran was irreversibly born.”

June 21, 2025: The day Donald Trump and Secretary Shitfaced showed Iran it was definitely safe to go nuclear?

Now that is a fucking headline.

OPEN THREAD.

[NBC News]

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