House Votes To Release Trump Files We Mean Epstein Files

Oh boy, this afternoon the House voted to order the release of the Justice Department’s files on kiddie-diddler Jeffrey Epstein! It was a vote of 427 to “Clay Higgins,” and as you’ll see, Louisiana Sheriff Foghorn Leghorn Short Dick Of The Law Rep. Clay Higgins had a very principled reason for why he wanted to continue protecting Donald Trump:

Ten bucks says Higgins, in his infinite Dunning-Kruger Syndrome, believes that last part will protect Donald Trump. Because Trump is so innocent, obviously.

Clay Higgins is a very confused and stupid man.

Anyway, it goes to the Senate now, and Chuck Schumer says he’ll call for unanimous consent if the Republicans don’t move on it. That would force any objectors to state their case aloud. But Senate Majority Leader John Thune doesn’t seem to believe that’ll be necessary. “[W]hen a bill passes 427 to 1, and the president says he’ll sign it into law, I’m not sure there’s going to be a need or desire for an amendment process,” said Thune.

So that’s it, right? Trump signs the bill, Pizzagate is exposed, the end?

This what Trump genuinely sincerely wanted, ¿sí ?

Let’s back up. [Also we will go back to Marcie, could you tell this was Evan sticking the latest news at the top of Marcie’s post? — Ed.]

Since Sunday night, an unprecedented shift has happened in old malignant narcissist President Donald John Trump’s bowels! He changed his tune and decided the House Republicans SHOULD vote to release those files, because there’s nothing to hide, and everybody needs to move on, and went back to howling his refrain that BILL CLINTON DID IT. Just as the old dead pedo himself had predicted to Steve Bannon that he would!

E. Jean Carroll And Ghislaine Maxwell: Tales Of Two Ladies From Trump’s ’90s Life

But but but, Pam Bondi said months ago that there was no list and case closed? There’s only one person there who spent a large portion of his life with Jeffrey Epstein, sharing his wonderful secrets, bucko.

But welcome to the hot seat, Jay Clayton! Ready to come on down and be the next Lindsey Halligan?

Uh Oh, Sounds Like Lindsey Halligan Botched Comey Case Bigly With Bad Court Thingies!

Yep, all of a sudden he is all for it, never mind how Trump had been personally pleading, begging and cajoling Lauren Boebert, Nancy Mace and Marjorie Taylor Greene to white-out their names on the discharge petition and LEAN IN to the new party line that Bill Clinton and “Democrat bad guys” were the ones in there entangled in the web of the Deep State, so therefore the best remedy for the victims was to bury the files with Ivana on the golf course. Or how he’d been pounding online like a dozen times that Marjorie was a TRAITOR GREEN(e)! who should be called BROWN! because she was rotten like old grass, or something, argle bargle!

Trump Breaks Up With Marjorie Taylor Greene For Real

The man’s brain is slipping. And even Lauren Boebert realized that his logic did not make any sense, and also that it would be the end of her Maverick cowgirl image to reverse herself after she’d run on those files getting released. Aware he was beat, Trump took the only other option left for his psyche: pretend like releasing the files had been what he wanted all along, nobody cares about those dumb old files anyway, and if they do, well, Bill Clinton did it!

And the banks! JP Morgan Chase already paid a settlement, and the House already has those files, but why not. And Trump never invested with Epstein, as far as anybody knows, other than working with him to drive up the price of a Palm Beach house that got sold to a Russian. But not actual cash, he was surely too poor for the $1 billion minimum Epstein claimed he required.

And never mind that Lord Trump could himself decree those files to be released any time, just like he did with JFK, MLK Jr., Amelia Earhart and Jimmy Hoffa.

So Trump has moved to Plan B, which was also Plan A: delay, and put Bondi back in the hot seat to come up with binders full of something.

Look, if Donald John Trump could not figure out how to scrub his name off of any files between his first term and this one, he is very bad at coverup. That spreadsheet that Pam Bondi and Kash Patel reportedly had a thousand FBI agents working on to suss any mentions of Trump from any Epstein FBI files will surely now come in handy!

But will we ever see those missing three minutes of that jailhouse video Pam Bondi posted? Or photos of Epstein’s body in his cell? What about video from the rest of the jail, surely not every feed in the entire place has gone missing? Or Trump blowing Bubba? Trump getting blackmailed by Russia over what Epstein spilled to them? Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, and allegedly?

And, will the Epstein victims finally be able to see the files that they themselves are in? That would be good. How creepy must it be to know you’re all over files you are not allowed to see!

Epstein victims held a press conference this morning, with Ro Khanna and Adelita “218th signature” Grijalva. Marjorie Taylor Greene was there and most excited to be the center of attention! With an axe to grind against Trump, yippee ki yi yay.

Listen to the woman who’s stood by alleged underage-teen-abuser Matt Gaetz, talking about goodness, love, hope and female empowerment like she was at the Lilith Fair, then getting her digs in:

“[We] fought against the most powerful people in the world, even the President of the United States, to make this vote happen today. I was called a traitor by a man I fought for five, no, six years for. And I gave him my loyalty for free. I won my first election without his endorsement, beating eight men in a primary. And I’ve never owed him anything, but I fought for him for the policies and for America First. And he called me a traitor for standing with these women and refusing to take my name off the discharge petition. Let me tell you what a traitor is. A traitor is an American that serves foreign countries and themselves. A Patriot is an American who serves America and Americans like the women standing behind me.”

Yowza! Foreign countries, eh? Wonder if she means Russia, or Israel? She’s been marginalized out of Trump’s inner circle, possibly partially for her stink of antisemitism, what with the Jewish Space Lasers and comparing COVID vaccines to the Holocaust. Now she seems to be parkouring her way up to position herself as a “feminist” alternative to Trump. And in 2028 a bloc of right-wing white women loons angry about healthcare prices and The Groceries could be a real threat to JD Vance and his condescending bullshit.

Again, once the bill makes it through the Senate — this week sometime, or even today, says Thune — it still has to go to Trump for his signature. And he grudgingly said he would sign it, even though he has nothing to do with it, because it is a “Democrat problem,” but also a hoax! Which one? Both! Neither! Shut up already!

Cover up as Trump might try, this story is not going away.

Especially if Pam Bondi tries to release the “Epstein files” and they look like this:

Drip, drip, drip!

OPEN THREAD!

[BBC]

Thank you for being Wonkette’s friend! We have no paywall ever, and no ads, because we’re brought to you by people like you! The button below will let you donate one time or monthly, in any amount of your choosing.

Showing-Wonkette-the-Love Button