Postnatal Depletion: What Most Moms Miss & What to Do About It

Dr. Hilary Claire is on the blog today to tell us all about the brain fog, aka MOM BRAIN we face when we’ve become a parent.

No matter how old your kids are, if you’re thinking of having kids, OR you know someone who has kids, this post is for you. The demands and expectations for new moms and women in general is at an all-time high. Many of us are left exhausted and wondering ‘what’s wrong with me?’ and ‘why can’t I manage to do it all?’

Dr. Hilary is here to explain the very real, physical symptoms of postnatal depletion and how it can last long after the baby days are over. You may be familiar with Dr. Hilary’s books (The Motherhood Reset, Nourished Mama, and Mama Let It Go) or her Instagram page, but if you’re not, let us introduce her.

She is a clinical psychologist with a specialization in nutritional and environmental medicine. She has extensive experience supporting mothers through the early years of motherhood and draws on both professional expertise and personal insight, having navigated postnatal depletion herself. She is the author of three books on overcoming postnatal depletion and reclaiming vitality in motherhood, and she hosts the podcast Wild and Well, where she speaks with expert guests about health and wellbeing in motherhood.

Let’s get into it with Dr. Hilary Claire.

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Postnatal Depletion: What Most Moms Miss and What to Do About It

Motherhood transforms everything. But for so many moms, the months and even years after giving birth come with exhaustion, nutrient deficiencies, mood swings, and brain fog that don’t go away. 

This is postnatal depletion.

It is such a common experience for mothers, yet most of us haven’t even heard of it. 

Moms, you’re not lazy or failing. There are real reasons motherhood feels so hard, and often the reason is postnatal depletion.

The exhaustion no one warned me about

The early months, and let’s be honest, years of motherhood were far more challenging than I ever imagined. 

I was completely unprepared for the exhaustion that came with becoming a mother.

When I had my first baby, I was living in a new town in Australia, far from my family in Canada. My husband was busy with his medical training, and I had little support beyond the friends I met in a prenatal aquafit class. I naively thought I could handle everything myself: night feeds, a pristine home, eco-conscious parenting, studying, and starting a business, all while neglecting my own needs. 

I set impossibly high expectations for myself and ended up nutrient-depleted and sleep-deprived. Even moments of joy felt heavy, and I became a shell of my former self. 

Eventually, I crashed. 

I was anxious, irritable, mentally foggy, and tired, beyond tired (which didn’t lift, no matter how much coffee I drank). I struggled to make simple decisions and resented my partner for leaving each day. I loved my baby but doing it all alone was breaking me, and my health was suffering. I became a classic case of a postnatally depleted mom. 

I kept asking, “Why is this so hard for me and not for other moms?” 

The truth is, I wasn’t alone. Far too many mothers face similar struggles.

What exactly is postnatal depletion? 

Postnatal depletion is characterized by physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion and depletion. Moms are deficient in nutrients like zinc, iron, magnesium, vitamin D, omega-3s, and B vitamins. Yet they mistakenly attribute these symptoms to “new mom fatigue.” 

This depletion arises from the demands of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding, compounded by sleep deprivation, the stress and busyness of modern life, exposure to environmental toxins, and the overwhelm from doing the most important job in the world, mothering, often with little to no actual experience. The experience of becoming a parent is profoundly life-altering and often comes with a lack of preparation. Personally, I had never even changed a diaper before having my first baby! 

Many mothers enter pregnancy already low in essential nutrients due to factors like certain medications, gut issues such as leaky gut and microbiome dysbiosis, and a calorie-dense, low-nutrient diet (also known as the Standard American Diet), which makes them vulnerable to depletion.

Mothers frequently find themselves isolated from the adult world, abruptly out of the workforce, lonely, lacking a support system, and living in a society that undervalues motherhood while glorifying busyness and productivity. This culture imposes the expectation that mothers should do it all and that asking for help is a weakness – when, in fact, it’s a superpower. Many often struggle with perfectionist tendencies and limiting beliefs about what it means to be a “good mom,” beliefs that have been ingrained in us by society.

Dr. Oscar Serrallach, who coined the term postnatal depletion, further emphasizes that the critical lack of societal support for mothers drastically contributes to their depletion. Many moms face isolation and unrealistic societal pressures, and often don’t have adequate recovery time or resources. 

This combination makes postnatal depletion all too common.

Symptoms include intense fatigue, brain fog, low mood, irritability, being easily overwhelmed, poor concentration, and anxiety, and often autoimmune and hormonal issues arise as well.

Postnatal depletion can creep in months after a first baby or even years after having multiple kids. For many mothers, it isn’t until years down the track that the symptoms really accumulate. Without remediation, this depletion can impact a mother’s health for years or even decades. 

Move Beyond Postnatal Depletion

The following steps will set you up to begin your recovery from postnatal depletion, but they are most effective when you have support. Motherhood isn’t meant to be done alone. Ask for help. Receive it. Build your village.

A Mindset Shift 

Moms often prioritize everybody else’s needs above their own. This tendency contributes to postnatal depletion. To move out of this depletion, this mindset must change.

Society teaches us that good mothers are selfless, a message often reflected in movies, media, and even our childhood homes. But this is not beneficial for anyone – not for your kids, your partner, or you. Neglecting your own needs leads to stress and burnout. This actually reduces your capacity to be generous or take great care of others.

However, by prioritizing yourself alongside your children, you can be your best self, more easily playful and present, and have a positive impact on your children.

Ask yourself two questions daily to ingrain this mindset: 

“How can I prioritize myself today?”

“What would the future version of me – one who is no longer burnt out but thriving and energetic – do?”

Let that future, thriving version of you guide your decisions and support you out of depletion. 

Change your mindset and put yourself and your wellness back on your priority list. 

Nutrition repletion 

Nutrition plays a significant role in both becoming and overcoming postnatal depletion.

Focusing on replenishing nutrients and eating foods that are gentle on a mother’s digestive system is essential. A simple blood test can help identify any deficiencies. If any are present, supplementation and guidance from a healthcare practitioner may be necessary to address them.

But never forget to prioritize getting your nutrients from food. Start by avoiding ultra-processed foods, including those with added sugar and additives such as flavours and colouring. Instead, your digestive system needs warming, easy-to-digest, and high-nutrient-density foods. 

Incorporate meat stock, soups, stews, slow-cooked meats, legumes, congee, root vegetables, and grains cooked in high-quality fats, like ghee or coconut oil, along with stewed fruits. 

Warming spices and herbs that aid digestion and contain ample nutrients support recovery from postnatal depletion. Add ginger, turmeric, cloves, cardamom, fennel, nettle, cumin, and chamomile to your meals or steep them in tea. 

Nervous system soothing 

When we constantly operate in stress mode, we fail to give our nervous system the time it needs to relax, repair, and re-energize. This puts a strain on our bodies and further depletes us. Before adding any new practices to calm the nervous system, it’s helpful to let go of a couple of unhelpful habits first.

+ Put Your Phone Down:

It’s easy to reach for your phone during any pause in the day. Resist this urge or use an external block to help you do so. I use the Opal app to block social media for much of the day and night, and it’s changed everything. I feel more present, less overstimulated, and my nervous system is more resilient.

+ Stop Rushing:

Rushing puts us in a state of stress. Once I realized that my rushing was stressing not just my nervous system, but also my kids’, I knew I had to make a change. Slowing down brought more calm, and we even started being early more often. I highly recommend it.

Due to our busy lifestyles, our nervous systems often remain on high alert throughout the day. It’s time to teach your nervous system to relax with these three strategies: 

Practice Mindful Breathing: Place your hand on your heart, take slow breaths, while repeating the mantra, “I am safe.” By combining words, touch, and breath, you can signal to your mind and body that you are safe, allowing your nervous system to relax.

Connect with Nature: For a quick reset, go outside, look up at the sky, and feel the sun on your skin while appreciating the natural world around you. Engaging with nature and practicing gratitude are effective ways to quickly promote calmness.

Restorative Yoga Pose: Lie on your back with your legs straight up against a wall. This yoga pose offers a gentle reset for your nervous system with minimal effort.

START SMALL, BUT START.

Which of the above strategies would have the most significant impact on your energy? Which one feels most achievable right now?

Are they the same? 

If so, start there. 

If not, choose the one that feels most manageable. Build momentum and increase your energy. Once you’ve made progress, return and try another.

Postnatal depletion isn’t just feeling tired. It is a real health issue rooted in nutrient depletion and nervous system exhaustion, made worse by a culture that asks everything of mothers but gives little back in return. 

The steps outlined above provide a solid foundation for addressing this syndrome. If you’re ready to take your healing to the next level, consider optimizing your sleep, building a support network, ditching environmental toxins, and releasing limiting mindsets that contribute to burnout – such as perfectionism and the belief in being a “supermom.”

Begin making decisions that align with the vibrant, healthy, and energetic version of you that you aspire to become. For further guidance, be sure to check out my books: The Motherhood Reset, Nourished Mama, and Mama Let It Go.

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Be sure to follow Dr. Hilary on Instagram and check out her podcast for more on how to acheive ultimate wellness in our world today.

x, The Skinny Confidential team

+ Check out Lauryn’s postpartum lifesavers.

++ Read these postpartum self-care tips and learn how to speak to yourself.