Christ On A Cracker Barrel

For years and years now, we have had to hear about how the Left is supposedly concerned with stupid things that don’t really matter “at the kitchen table.” You know, silly things like making sure everyone has health care, childcare, food, human rights and fair treatment for minorities and marginalized people, etc. etc. Meanwhile, Republicans have been concerned about the really important things, like throwing their Keurigs out of windows, Lady Ghostbusters, Lizzo having self-esteem, sexy M&Ms (they’re for them), and, this week, the Cracker Barrel changing its logo.

Perhaps you haven’t heard, because it’s only been all over the news for the last week, but American conservatives are absolutely outraged over the fact that the restaurant chain removed the barrel and the, um, old white man from their logo.

They were already deeply upset by the fact that the chain had remodeled some of its restaurants to look nicer and less like a place that will give you food poisoning. Indeed, many former workers have said that the previous lewk (which still exists in all but 40 of their more than 650 stores) was nearly impossible to keep clean, which is not a thing a lot of people look for in a place where they are eating. Now, they are livid. Because it’s woke. Why is it woke? Because new things are woke. Things changing is woke. Everything has to stay the exact same forever or else it’s woke.

Clearly, they are just trying to appeal to woke folks, like you and me, who might like their spiced apples but don’t necessarily want to find a dust bunny in them and also hate white people and their old-timey butter churns. Either that or the chain has been in freefall for the past several years and rebranding is a thing that companies tend to do when that happens.

No, it’s definitely because “woke,” since that is just what happens when women are allowed to be CEOs.

Florida Rep. Byron Donalds felt that they should keep the same logo because of how one time he “gave his life to Christ” in their parking lot.

Hillsdale College claimed it had the same energy as pouring red paint on a statue of George Washington, adding that “Cracker Barrel is a beloved cultural icon, tied to the lifestyle and memories of truth-seeking Americans.”

Noted cancel culture opponent Christopher Rufo explained that it’s important for them to lash out at companies that do anything that seems like it might be woke, for the purpose of flexing their muscles and showing them who has the power.

It feels worth mentioning that one of the other big stories this week was that Trump wants the Smithsonian to not be so negative about slavery, and to instead highlight how far we’ve come since then. Perhaps such an exhibit could display the tiki torches from the Charlottesville Unite the Right rally, videos of Nick Fuentes saying literally anything, weapons cops have used to kill various unarmed Black people, one of the UHauls used by members of Patriot Front, a copy of Trump’s famous New York Times ad calling for the (innocent) Central Park Five to be given the death penalty …

So many options!

The Smithsonian has to change to accommodate the views of people who are currently very racist, in order to make people believe that the country is less racist than it is — but Cracker Barrel can’t change their logo, for reasons.

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Of course, we all know what the reasons are. The overall Cracker Barrel aesthetic invokes a nostalgia for a time and place that was extremely racist and oppressive. It whitewashes that era so that people see it as a time when there were really cutesy Coca-Cola signs everywhere and not, you know, a time when Martin Luther King Jr. organized a boycott against Coca-Cola for not hiring Black people. It’s the same reason why they were so desperate to hold onto Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben — both of which had started out as extremely racist depictions of Black people and despite a few redesigns, still had that same vibe. In their minds, Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben represented Black people who were having a grand old time in a society in which white people held all of the power. They like that shit for the same reason white people during Jim Crow loved cultural depictions of happy slaves.

They want people to look back at that time and think “Wow, I wish things were that way now!” and to forget all of the bad that came with it. The more people long for times like that, the more accepting they might be of ceding power back to the white men who were in charge back then. In their minds, Cracker Barrel changing their logo or taking a dusty old tire off the wall is a rejection of the idealization of that society. It takes away a thing that people can look to and say “Hey, maybe things were actually pretty good in those days!”

That’s why they think it’s “woke.” That’s why they’re mad. That’s why they won’t say exactly why they think it’s woke. They don’t have to, everyone knows, in their bones, what it’s about.

That’s why you didn’t see them cry when the International House of Pancakes became IHOP and stopped building triangle-shaped restaurants, or when Dunkin’ Donuts became Dunkin’.

That’s why you don’t see any Republicans chastising those who are losing their minds over a simple logo change. If it were three not-even-famous people on the Left doing this, we all know that we’d never hear the end of “This is why we lose elections!” —especially from moderate Democrats looking to seem “reasonable.” We’d be chastised about “cancel culture” and “online mobs” for days.

But when it’s thousands of Republicans going bananas over this kind of thing, we get this:

The funny thing is, they’re not even getting any credit from any of the bigot creeps over on X. No one is saying “Oh boy, guess we should reevaluate! Maybe Democrats share our vision for a New Jim Crow!” They’re making fun of them. And calling them the party of Satan.

Or, you know, just saying some truly crazy shit.

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And then, naturally, the lizard people will take over.

I’d love to say that this is something we should ignore, that it’s a distraction from bigger issues like ICE kidnapping people and the Epstein files, but it’s not. Everything is connected. The more these creeps are able to flex what social power they have and control the actions of corporations, the more their complaints are validated as reasonable, the more they will get away with in the end.