On Friday, Donald Trump met with his Russian handler on a military base in Alaska, which is the weirdest of all places for such a meeting. In every spy movie we have ever seen, you meet your handler away from prying eyes, on a bridge in Berlin, or on a bench by the Potomac with the Jefferson Memorial in the background, or in a deserted park after midnight where the shadows could be hiding danger and the spy is kind of jumpy but he reassures his handler that he wasn’t followed. Then the handler gives him his latest orders or advice — steal these documents, the hot blonde being played by Jennifer Lawrence is actually a spy for the other side — and everyone goes on their merry way.
Trump’s And Putin’s Wet Hot American White Boy Summer!
Trump did it differently, meeting his handler at Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson near Anchorage, in full view of hundreds of members of the world’s press, with a red carpet and a flyover by a fucking B-2 stealth bomber and a ride in the presidential limo for the handler, who could be seen inside laughing his ass off. And somewhere in all that pageantry, the handler, Vladimir Putin, allegedly whispered a whole bunch of sweet nothings in Trump’s ear about how the 2020 election really was rigged and stolen because the Democrats cheated with mail-in ballots, and he really won by a lot, and Sleepy Joe Biden should have never been president.
Trump believed him, because he’s an easily manipulated idiot. (Also because Putin was just copying verbatim things Trump says and repeating them back to him.)
After a weekend of stewing over the whole mess, he put out a rant on Truth Social on Monday morning describing all the illegal stuff he’s going to do to try and steal the 2026 midterm elections for the Republicans. And hoo boy, is it a lot! We apologize in advance for assaulting your eyeballs with this:
Let us start with something easy: Donald Trump can sign any executive order he wants that says anything at all. He can sign an executive order demanding that all babies born in America be named Signor Fred Lollipop McPantysniff. He can sign an executive order requiring ducks to wear long pants if he so desires. But such executive orders have all the legal force of a wet fart in a hurricane. (Something our media would do well to learn!) So when he says he will be signing one that will get rid of vote-by-mail and “bring HONESTY to the 2026 Midterm Elections,” remember that the states run their own goddamn elections. So they can say Thanks for the advice, Mr. President, and then go on counting those mail-in ballots.
In fact, Trump did sign an EO back in March in which he tried to outlaw counting ballots that are postmarked before Election Day but arrive after. It’s tied up in court. Maybe he knows he’ll get sued over any new order trying to ban mail-in voting and figures the Supreme Court will eventually hand him a win. Which is possible, but we’re not there yet.
Remember, the States are merely an ‘agent’ for the Federal Government in counting and tabulating the votes. They must do what the Federal Government, as represented by the President of the United States, tells them, FOR THE GOOD OF OUR COUNTRY, to do.
Oh, and we suppose if the federal government tells all the states they have to jump off a bridge, the only question is which bridge?
It is especially funny because Trump somewhat grudgingly gave up his animus towards mail-in voting in 2024, and it probably helped him win. The GOP has plenty of shut-ins and rural voters who struggle to get to polling places too.
None of it makes any sense, until you remember that Trump thinks of himself as a king, not an elected official. Then it feels inevitable.
Elsewhere in this latest example that our president is a demented moron, he also demands an end to the use of voting machines. Which is an especially ironic statement to post on the same day that the far-right nutters at Newsmax agreed to pay Dominion Voting Systems $67 million as penance for all the lies the network spread about the company’s voting machines.
Putin must spend like 20 hours a day laughing at what a sucker of a president the United States elected. Sure, that only leaves him four hours a day for kidnapping Ukrainian children, but a man has to prioritize.
Meanwhile, the Texas Democrats who have been hiding out in other states decided the timing was best to return to the state, which, yes, will give the Republican-dominated legislature a quorum to vote on their new maps that will eliminate five Democratic seats in the House of Representatives. (The first special session ended. Now of course Governor Greg Abbott is calling a new one, and has said he would keep doing so until the maps pass.) The caucus chair, Gene Wu, put out a statement:
“We killed the corrupt special session, withstood unprecedented surveillance and intimidation, and rallied Democrats nationwide to join this existential fight for fair representation – reshaping the entire 2026 landscape,” he said. “We’re returning to Texas more dangerous to Republicans’ plans than when we left. Our return allows us to build the legal record necessary to defeat this racist map in court, take our message to communities across the state and country, and inspire legislators across the country how to fight these undemocratic redistricting schemes in their own statehouses.”
Wu explained in an interview last week (that we cannot find right now, sucks for us!) that this is all about the timing required to file lawsuits and mount the legal case. (This article says the same thing.) He also stressed that this is the time Texas Democrats need the rest of the country to pick up the ball and do their part to fight all this.
The Texas Democrats have been encouraged because California has announced it will go all in on redrawing its congressional districts to add more Democratic seats to counter Texas’s move. Meanwhile, other blue states are talking about redrawing their maps to eliminate GOP seats.
Can’t wait for Trump to get on Truth Social and executive order that redistricting is only legal when Republicans do it, so the media can report on how these “controversial” orders are really “pushing the limit”!
[TruthSocial / The Guardian]
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