How many days do we have to endure the whining from Team MAGA over the world’s terribly inadequate praise of Donald Trump’s and Secretary Shitfaced Von Whiskeydick’s brilliant and tumescent missile strike on Iran’s nuclear program, which didn’t even have to take Viagra? They’re gonna show us, we reckon.
We thought yesterday’s whining, hysterical cry for help press conference from Secretary Totally Obliterated was rock bottom. And we may look back on it and confirm that yes, it was rock bottom.
But they ain’t done being just absolutely pathetic. Consider Fox News last night.
CHRIST, Pete Hegseth Is An Emotional Drunk We Mean Sober Guy
Jesse Watters, ever the dutiful buttsniffer, and always the first to take it personally when somebody impugns the shriveled perceived manhood of Trump or another male MAGA figure, used Freudian terms last night to tell us how emasculating all this is for Team Trump and, by extension, every MAGA man who worships them:
JESSE WATTERS: You know, everyone’s feeling this huge swelling
This huge swelling? Mm hmm, OK.
of patriotism
Not smart people. Just the weakest, most extraneous American brains who lap up whatever Donald Trump says and does like it’s dog vomit. The rest of us saw it for what it was.
and then CNN comes along and sullies it.
CNN “sullied” everybody’s “huge swelling.”
Now, CNN says, “We didn’t do anything wrong,” but CNN spent 48 hours with guests at the top of every single hour saying, “The mission failed,” saying, “The bombs didn’t work,” says, “The Iranians still have a nuclear program.”
Which according to all the latest information is true. After senators were briefed yesterday on the strikes, Democratic Senator Chris Murphy said, “To me, it still appears that we have only set back the Iranian nuclear program by a handful of months. There’s no doubt there was damage done to the program, but the allegations that we have obliterated their program just don’t seem to stand up to reason…. I just do not think the president was telling the truth when he said this program was obliterated.”
We guess Jesse needs us to tell Donald Trump they were the biggest, most throbbing missile strikes they had ever seen, no other president has missiles that big, but nah.
What kind of effect does that have?
President feels insecure about performance of his strikes and his prowess in the Situation Room.
You’re basically taking classified information and using it to undermine the commander-in-chief and cast doubt on the effectiveness of the American military capabilities, and putting the commander-in-chief at a disadvantage when he’s trying to maintain a ceasefire.
One way to solve the problem of leakers leaking information and revealing the truth about things the administration is lying to the American people about is not to lie to the American people. How magically the leaks would stop!
But glad we’re acknowledging that the assessment is real, and not fake news.
It’s treasonous. That’s the T-word, Jessica.
It is not treasonous. It is not the T-word, Jessica.
(Jessica Tarlov knows that. She presumably saw Secretary Limpdick have his meltdown at her Fox News colleague Jennifer Griffin yesterday. She’s been briefed on what stage of MAGA Man Meltdown we’re at.)
And Kash and Bongino are going to be looking at these congressmen now, because I have a suspect list. I feel like I know who this person was, and you could easily find them, there’s a limited amount of people that had access to this intelligence. You go and see who got access to it and then you narrow it down and then you get a warrant for their phone. So they better lawyer up, because someone’s going to go to prison for a very long time.
OK, well while Jesse Watters is jerking off to Kash Patel and Dan Bongino avenging these grievous wounds to Americans’ perception of Donald Trump’s and Pete Hegseth’s erectile prowess, we’ll finish this blog post.
On the Laura Ingraham “You Could Be Watching ‘Wheel Of Fortune’ Instead Of This” talk show last night, GOP Senator Bernie Moreno explained the true historical significance of the Iran strikes. He did so by making up an obvious lie about what a Democratic senator said during that briefing yesterday, in the SCIF:
“One of the Democrats you just had on your program was in the confidential briefing in the SCIF today,” Moreno told Ingraham. “And said to General Caine ‘that operation that you ran will go down in anals of American history as the greatest military operation ever conducted.’”
No really he said “anals.” And you know what? He might be right. Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth did historic anal to that Iranian mountain, you heard it first on the Laura Ingraham show. When the books on historic anals are written, this strike will be Chapter One.
So yeah, Fox News was pretty cool last night.
Trump threatened yesterday to have “the Democrats” prosecuted for leaking information on the “PERFECT FLIGHT.”
He also threatened to sue the New York Times and CNN for reporting on the leak, which they verified the accuracy of, and which we guess, again, they’re all admitting now was not “fake news,” even as we are sure Trump will continue screaming “fake news.” Trump is making these threats because it’s the only thing he knows how to do. (He sure doesn’t look like he knows how to plan a military operation.)
In a letter to The Times, a personal lawyer for the president said the newspaper’s article had damaged Mr. Trump’s reputation and demanded that the news organization “retract and apologize for” the piece, which the letter described as “false,” “defamatory” and “unpatriotic.”
That’s when you know it’s a serious letter from Trump’s personal lawyer, when they’re yelling at the New York Times for being “unpatriotic.” The same letter said the strikes “unequivocally eliminated Iran’s nuclear capabilities and brought peace to the region,” to which reality responds hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, bless your heart.
The Times replied that Trump is welcome to eat their hole:
The Times, in a response on Thursday, rejected Mr. Trump’s demands, noting that Trump administration officials had subsequently confirmed the existence of the report, issued by the Defense Intelligence Agency, and its findings. “No retraction is needed,” the paper’s lawyer, David McCraw, wrote in a letter.
“No apology will be forthcoming,” he added. “We told the truth to the best of our ability. We will continue to do so.”
The Times reports that Trump’s lawyer similarly huffed and puffed at CNN. We would expect nothing less.
(Also, good job, New York Times! That is how you respond to that!)
The Times article has a good summary of where the various assessments of the efficacy of the strikes currently stand, including a quote from Trump’s buttlicking CIA director John Ratcliffe, who has said the strikes “severely damaged” Iran’s nuclear capabilities, but certainly not that they had “totally obliterated” them. They cited the original preliminary assessment that said Iran’s nuclear capabilities had probably only been set back by a matter of months, and also:
On Thursday, the paper reported that the head of the International Atomic Energy Agency had described uranium-enriching centrifuges at one of the Iranian sites as “no longer operational,” although he also said it would be “too much” to claim Iran’s program had been “wiped out.”
So kind of the full spectrum of What People Are Saying at this point.
But none of those people are talking about how hard Trump’s dick was when he ordered the strikes, so that’s treason, the end.
[Media Matters / Mediaite / New York Times]
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