It’s been 10 years since her son’s death and Sonya Ackerman still notices the poignant reminders of his presence, whether it’s a random blast of James’s favourite Uncle Kracker song, a rainbow or a confronting reminder of someone less fortunate.
“He always used to say, ‘There’s always someone worse off than us’ when something went wrong,'” Mrs Ackerman says.
“One day I was sitting by his grave sobbing and I said, ‘Who is worse off now?’“
At that moment, she noticed a nearby grave for a five-year-old boy named James, which she took as a sign from her son: “That person, their families are worse off, Mum”.
On June 20, 2015, James Ackerman took the field for Sunshine Coast Falcons in a Queensland Cup match against Norths Devils at Bishop Park, Nundah, in Brisbane’s north.
Five minutes into the match, James was hit with a shoulder charge by an opposition player and died in hospital two days later. He was 25.
He is survived by his children, Milly and Ollie, who were two and three at the time, and his wife, Saraa Spaens, who has since remarried.
“I’m not sure what I expected but time hasn’t healed anything,” Mrs Spaens says.
James with his children, Milly and Ollie. (Supplied: Facebook)
“It’s certainly gotten worse for [the children]. They have more of a concrete realisation of how long time really is.”
The memories they made as a family are what the Sunshine Coast mother treasures.
“He was the first to come home after a long day of work and take the kids to the park,” she says.
“He was a present, fun, larrikin of a dad.“
The day James didn’t get up
Sunday marks 10 years since James Ackerman passed away. For Mrs Ackerman, it feels like yesterday.
She relives the moment she ran to the other side of the field to check if he was OK after he was dealt the sickening blow. The “horrible” ordeal still keeps her up at night.
“I knew he was knocked out, but I constantly kept asking the guys on the bench, ‘Has he come to?'” she recalls.
“Ackers” was known for his toughness and, because of his strength, Mrs Ackerman clung to hope he would get back up.
Mrs Ackerman wants her son remembered as a tough player who loved being on the field with his best mates. (Supplied: Ackerman family)
“He was just so tough, he would just bounce straight back up,” she said.
“This day was different and I knew it straight away.”
Legacy of the Ackers 8
Stepping inside the office of Falcons chief executive Chris Flannery, it is quickly apparent that the Ackerman legacy will never be forgotten.
Framed pictures of the Falcons number eight sit next to the CEO’s desk — a stark reminder who they are playing for.
He recounts the phone call he received while his team was playing away at Norths.
“I don’t know why I wasn’t at that game — I usually travel to most away games, particularly down in Brisbane,” he said.
Falcons chief Chris Flannery says the Ackerman family has done a great job keeping James’s legacy alive. (ABC Sunshine Coast: Jake Kearnan)
“I received the call and I think it was from our chairman, Ashley Robinson, and he said Ackers had been hurt and that it didn’t look good.
“I got another phone call about 15 minutes later and basically they said he hasn’t moved, he hasn’t regained consciousness and it is looking very serious.’
“That was when I started to panic.“
The days that followed are a blur to the Ackerman family.
His mother recalls meeting three neurosurgeons who explained that James wasn’t going to make it and, even if he did, he would have little quality of life.
James’s widow Saraa Spaens (left) and his mother Sonya will celebrate his life on Sunday. (ABC Sunshine Coast: Jake Kearnan)
“It was in that moment — and I don’t know why I asked because I never for a minute thought we were going to lose him — but it just came out of my mouth: ‘Is he able to be an organ donor?'” Mrs Ackerman says.
“That was something we had spoken about.”
At just 25, Mrs Spaens bravely maintained her composure as she signed organ donation waivers while caring for the couple’s two children.
“We were always organ donation people but having to actually do that process was a great weight,” Mrs Spaens says.
James’s daughter Milly and her year level all wore “take a knee for Ackers” socks to school on Friday. (Supplied: Sonya Ackerman)
“[You ask yourself] ‘Why is this happening to us?’
“We’ve seen James get knocked down and get back up thousands of times, so why not this time?“
She said being a mother saved her life and gave her a reason to get up each day.
“I had to get up to make sure they were OK, so that gave me focus,” she says.
“It took me a couple of days for it all to hit me and then for me to become incredibly emotional.
“I actually thought something was wrong with me and, I guess, it’s just my body’s way of protecting me from pain and from sadness and all the feelings that come at once.”
‘He’ll never be forgotten’
In 2017, a coronial inquest found the Queensland Police Service made the right decision not to investigate the death as a criminal matter, but that the NRL and QRL should reconsider the stance of only sending players off in extreme circumstances.
It will be remembered as the darkest time in the Sunshine Coast Falcons’s 19-year history.
“A lot of our trainers that were on the field that day and the things that they went through, they were the ones trying to revive him and bring him back,” Mr Flannery said.
On Saturday, the club commemorated the 10-year anniversary by taking a “knee for Ackers” prior to their match against Wynnum-Manly Seagulls.
James Ackerman spent time at both the Sunshine Coast Falcons and Redcliffe Dolphins. (Supplied: Ackerman family)
It’s just one of the many ways the club keeps the 25-year-old’s legacy alive.
“We’ve retired the number eight jersey at the club so when a new player asks why there isn’t a number eight jersey in our kit bag, we get to tell them it’s for James,”
Mr Flannery said.
“Our team song that we sing after every victory, the last line is about Ackers, so there are lots of little things that continue to remind us about his legacy and just what James was to this club.
“He’ll never be forgotten here.”
Beer and a bet ‘the Ackers way’
For Mrs Ackerman, it’s her son’s contagious smile that she longs to see.
“He’s a Gemini, so he had the two personalities: he was very quiet, as in didn’t talk much, but at the same time he was a real cheeky character,” she says.
“He always made you laugh and he had the most beautiful smile.“
Family and friends of the prop forward will honour his memory on Sunday at a Sunshine Coast pub — a few beers and a few bets, the way James would have wanted.
“It’s going to be — as much as it can be — a big celebration,” Mrs Spaens said.
“That’s definitely the attitude that we’re taking towards it and celebrating his life as opposed to still being weighed down by the time that has lapsed.
“Seeing everyone have a beer and a bet and do what we say is the Ackers way. It can’t get more him than that.”
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