What’s Secretary Shitfaced AKA St. Pete of Drunklandia got going this week? You know, besides paranoidly temper-tantruming around the Pentagon looking for leakers who tell the press national security secrets like “Pete is a dumb piece of shit and nobody respects him”? And of course doing whatever his third wife/current Mommy stand-in tells him to do? Does he have a new big bumbling idiot situation unfolding, something he caused by himself through his stupidity and incompetence?
Oh boy does he ever.
Sounds Like Secretary Sh*tfaced Needs To Come On Home And Resign
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Start with the fact that he’s an extremely insecure little man who always feels like he has something to prove, the type who feels the need to pull his proverbial pants down and show strangers how proud he is of his penis every chance he gets. (See: war plans in Signal chats.)
Secondly, please remember that UGH, no girls allowed! He doesn’t LIKE girls! OK well he likes them, but only in manly-and-the-boss-of-them ways! Not in little green Army guys ways!
And hasn’t he failed upward in his career by writing books about how the military isn’t manly-and-the-boss-of-you anymore? And did Donald Trump not pluck him out of the makeup chair at “Fox & Friends” and into leading the world’s largest bureaucracy precisely so he could eliminate all the things in the military that were not manly-and-the-boss-of-you?
All these things might have been going through Secretary Shitfaced’s tender brain when he discovered there was something called the Women, Peace and Security Act at the Pentagon. Words that should not even be in the same sentence, probably! Peace and security for women? Is that the kind of made-up liberal agenda that makes women file police reports against men they say sexually assaulted them? We are just asking!
Pete Hegseth Police Report Released, And Yikes, It’s Awful
Don’t know, could be, better just kill it and call it DEI just to be sure.
SO. HE. DID.
Take that, peace and security for women! He’s ending that woke divisive/social justice/Biden program that distracts little green Army guys from GRRRRRRR and AARRRRGH and GO BOOM and PENIS.
WPS is UNITED NATIONS and GAY and therefore he is ENDING IT.
Except not really ENDING IT as he explained in the NEXT PARAGRAPH, just kind of GROWLING AT IT and maybe TRYING TO GET IT ELIMINATED!
EVENTUALLY!
GOOD RIDDANCE WPS!
AT SOME POINT!
Community note: The Women, Peace and Security Act was a Trump thing, signed and sealed by Trump, and Secretary Shitfaced might have been tipped off to that if he had read the “OF 2017” part.
Hegseth was confronted with these seeming problems with the execution of his surely manly-and-the-boss-of-you war plans, and he doubled down like a babbling drunk hog.
Did Secretary Shitfaced provide any backing evidence that Joe Biden had somehow woke-and-weak-ified the WPS, which he sure didn’t suggest was the problem in his original early morning drunk text about it? He did not. He’s just blaming Joe Biden, because small men like Pete Hegseth blame other people for their fuckups.
So what kind of wokes and weaks and ladies and DEIs wrote this law and created this program, whose very title personally threatens Pete’s flawed manhood?
Um, Trump Cabinet members Kristi Noem and Marco Rubio. Noem was the Republican co-author and co-sponsor, back when she was in Congress. (Yes, Kristi Noem was in Congress from 2011 until 2019, Today You Learned!) As the Daily Beast explains, Rubio helped adapt the Senate version.
Well-known woman Ivanka Trump was extremely proud of the law in 2019:
The law has not changed since then.
Joe Biden did not executive order “AND SPRINKLE SOME WOKE ON TOP!” to the WPS law upon his inauguration. He didn’t order Pete Buttigieg into his office to turn the WPS gay. Pete Hegseth is just babbling out of his asshole, because he’s a stupid fuckup again, doing yet another stupid fuckup thing, and he’s trying to talk his way out of his latest failure, yet again.
If he was still a child, this would be the moment where his dad yanks him by the ear and takes him home, furious at what a disappointment his son is, while Pete makes blubbering, threatening rage faces at whoever tattled on him.
You can read more about the law and how much the first Trump administration liked it in the Daily Beast. Also in Politico, which notes that Rubio was talking about how awesome the law was this month:
As recently as this month, Rubio hailed Trump’s decision to sign the Women, Peace and Security Act, describing it as “the first law passed by any country in the world focused on protecting women and promoting their participation in society.”
Oh no, Pete Hegseth, did somebody spill woke all over the law in the last two weeks? Or are you just an idiot?
Politico also notes:
National security adviser Mike Waltz was not in Congress when the 2017 law was signed, but he supported subsequent legislation to bolster the “women, peace and security” agenda and served as the co-chair of the bipartisan Women, Peace and Security Caucus.
Yeah well, woke woman “peace and security” law, time to meet Pete Hegseth’s masculine insecurity issues on the battlefield!
In a statement, the State Department says it will continue implementing the law, and an anonymous White House source said some incoherent bullshit about how “ending” just means removing all the woke Joe Biden parts. Sure thing, you betcha, y’all are fuckin’ nailing it.
In a Cabinet full of buffoons, incompetents and human embarrassments, Hegseth is the biggest loser of them all. It’s probably his only real accomplishment in life, besides licking Donald Trump’s sack through the “Fox & Friends” TV screen.
It’s not like he earned his current role by being some kind of superstar in the military or anything.
OPEN THREAD.
[Daily Beast / Politico]
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