We shouldn’t even be here, but here we are.
Pete Hegseth, the most unqualified secretary of Defense nominee in human history, who’s been credibly accused of rape by one person that we know of; who has a Newsmax host calling for his withdrawal because the payoff of that rape accuser shows how susceptible he is to blackmail; whose FBI background check wasn’t that bad but maybe that’s because they didn’t talk to his ex-wives or the woman who accused him of rape; who in the words of combat veteran and Senator Tammy Duckworth isn’t even qualified to run a fucking Applebee’s; who has reportedly made quite a name for himself around the Fox News HQ for showing up to his hosting duties on “Fox & Friends Weekend” totally fucking drunk; who swears he’ll never drink anymore ever again if you just give him one more chance to RUN THE GODDAMNED PENTAGON; whose body is covered with the kinds of tattoos that make white supremacists and Nazis cream themselves; whose Grrr Argh Time To Declare Literal Civil War On The Wokes! books sound like they were written with one hand while the other hand jerked the author off to some kind of pussy ass make-believe Braveheart fantasy version of the Crusades …
That guy. That guy’s Senate confirmation hearing in the Armed Services Committee is today. If these Democratic senators aren’t prepared to kick this loser’s ass, they’re good for nothing.
Let’s see!
Refresh the page regularly to see if I have added anything: That is how we liveblog. Starting now!
9:33: Oh hello, good morning, welcome to this appalling spectacle. Punchbowl reports on the Democrats’ strategy for this morning. Hopefully the Democratic women on this committee have a plan to humiliate this loser, who should be excessively easy to humiliate, and remarkably easy to get a rise out of.
9:36: GOP Senator Roger Wicker is introducing the hearing by describing growing numbers of threats around the world and he’s listing so many countries! Wonder how many of those countries Pete Hegseth has heard of, maybe he might have heard somebody talk about them on the radio in the car on the way from the club to the Fox News studios for his important job hosting “Fox & Friends, JV Edition.”
Wicker says the nominee is “unconventional.” This is highly coded language for moron, except it’s Wicker, who is also a moron, so.
9:39: DRINK, Roger Wicker said “DEI.” If you are not aware, “DEI” is the current Republican dogwhistle that means “N-word,” but unlike earlier Republican dogwhistles, it also means “LGBTQ people slurs” and “women slurs.” It is a handy word for them that means everything, like “Marxist” and “Smurf.”
9:41: Oh, Roger Wicker says that in his personal conduct, Pete Hegseth has “fallen short, as we all have,” but notes that the accusations came from anonymous sources, which means they do not count! (You know, because they’re not willing to have their lives terrorized or otherwise ruined by MAGA in order to speak out against Hegseth on the record.)
Got that? Pete Hegseth is a sinner, but so are we, and we think the rest of that can be translated as “anonymous bitches be lyin’.”
Anyway, Jack Reed, the Democratic ranking member, it is his turn.
9:44: Reed notes that running the Pentagon is a big, big job. Notes that the secretary needs to have character and be trustworthy. The subtext is that angry GRRRR dumbasses like Pete Hegseth and their sexual assault allegations and their obvious masculine insecurities, who aren’t ready to manage their ass with both hands, are not qualified. Also Jack Reed just said it out loud, so it’s not really subtext.
9:47: Reed says actually the military is more diverse and more lethal than it’s ever been. Actually.
Reed is disturbed, he says, by Hegseth’s history of always taking the side of whatever white supremacist in the military with anger issues who’s currently on trial for murder or torture or other war crimes.
Reed says he’s also concerned by Hegseth’s history of mismanaging the funds of and driving into the ground the two lemonade stands he’s run, we mean conservative veterans’ organizations he’s run, directly into the ground.
Because again, the Pentagon is big and has even more than one checking account!
9:51: Reed says it’s “unacceptable” that Hegseth didn’t meet with any Democratic senators besides Reed. It’s probably because Pete Hegseth is scared of them, AKA a coward.
9:53: REED: “You lack the character, composure and competence” to be secretary of Defense.
Wicker now introducing former Senator Norm Coleman of Minnesota, who you might not remember because who gives a fuck, and also Mike Waltz, the unqualified hack who will be Trump’s national security advisor. These are the losers doing the sherpa-ing of Hegseth around the Senate. They are here to “vouch” for Hegseth, a word that’s doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting.
“He has struggled and overcome great personal challenges,” says Coleman. This bullshit clownfuck redemption story is going to be a large part of their defense, because Republicans love bullshit clownfuck redemption stories. Don’t be fooled by it, and don’t take their word if they say Jesus has forgiven him. Let Jesus say that on the record.
10:03: Here we go with Hegseth’s opening statement, let’s see if he’s already SO MAD ANGER ISSUES GRRR ARGH.
He thanked his third wife and his seven children and said he loves Jesus, DRINK.
10:08: Hahahahaha, he called Donald Trump “selfless.”
10:09: There are some protesters. Unfortunately they’re trying to say too many words so people on TV can’t understand them. They should stick with short and punchy things like “red flag” and “cover your drink,” allegedly, at least that’s what we’d say if we were going to do a protest.
Anyway, they’re frustrating Roger Wicker.
10:11: Hegseth says all troops will be “equal” not “equitable.” This is part of their DEI woke dogwhistle belief that anybody who isn’t a white straight conservative man with anger and masculinity issues isn’t qualified.
10:16: Wicker says he wants to give Pete Hegseth a chance to respond to the “allegations” from “anonymous sources in liberal media publications.” Wait, was it the liberal media who said Pete Hegseth raped them in a hotel in 2017 when he was the speaker at a conservative conference? Was it the liberal media who said goddamn, this man keeps coming to work drunk at Fox News? Was it the liberal media who said they were extremely disappointed in the way their son abuses women?
No that was his mom on that last one.
Can Pete Hegseth’s Mommy Save Him From The Big Mean Republican Senators?
Pete Hegseth Police Report Released, And Yikes, It’s Awful
Anyway, Pete Hegseth says “smear campaign” and “left wing media doesn’t care about the truth.” He says they want to destroy him because “change agent” and yadda yadda, wank wank wank.
Oh you guys! Pete Hegseth has been “saved by the grace of God, by Jesus and by Jenny!” That there is what is known as the Holy Trinity!
It now includes Jenny!
10:23: Roger Wicker is now done. We’ll have Jack Reed the Democrat next. He wants questioners to have two rounds of questioning, as opposed to simply the seven minutes per senator Wicker wants. Wicker thinks seven minutes is enough for them to rubber-stamp Hegseth and lick Trump’s grundle the way he wants for his nominees.
Reed also notes that the FBI investigation into Hegseth was insufficient (they didn’t talk to literally anyone they needed to talk to, like women Hegseth has been accused of abusing), and that all senators should have access to it. Wicker does not like that idea either.
10:27: Reed reads threatening emails serving troops are receiving saying that when Trump comes in, they will be fired because they support “woke” and “DEI.” Does Hegseth support troops getting these threatening emails, and threatening their spouses? Hegseth starts babbling warriors and not answering the question. Also whining about DEI.
Again, DEI is just a way conservative white people say the “N”-word. They think they are being clever. They are not very clever boys.
10:31: REED: You’re instrumental in getting war criminals pardoned. Why do you love war crimes so much, as opposed to not loving them?
HEGSETH: I have been in combat. These rules are fuckin’ bullshit, dude!
(Paraphrase.)
REED: Actually you’ve disparaged the Geneva Conventions in writing. How can you lead a military like that? Also what is a “JAG-OFF?” Oh, you don’t want to answer that.
HEGSETH: It’s a JAG officer who’s fuckin’ bullshit, man!
(Paraphrase.)
Now we have Republican Deb Fischer from Nebraska.
10:36: Fischer’s questions are boring and process-y and technical, almost like they seem designed to bore the shit out of everybody and make them turn the TV off before the Democratic women get going. Talking about the “Production Act” and such and drowning viewers in word salad.
He doesn’t even know half the things she’s asking about. Says he’s excited about getting the opportunity to look “under the hood” at the Pentagon. Oh, is this mouthbreather gonna tinker around?
“What is your plan to revitalize the industrial base in this country?” That’s an actual question. And his answer is bullshit corporate speak. They planned this.
We see you, Deb Fischer.
10:42: OK, now time for Jeanne Shaheen from the Democratic side. She’s pissed no one followed up to meet with her before the hearing. “Do you understand … that you will have a responsibility to meet with all members of this committee, not just Republicans?”
Says she’d really like to meet with him so she can understand his real views on women in the military. Like back in November, when he said women shouldn’t be in combat, on a wingnut podcast. But that was before he was nominated.
10:44: She’s reading from one of his idiot books about our unnatural obsession with women warriors. Does he think the women on this committee who have served didn’t serve honorably or whatever?
He says this is just about STANDARDS, not about him not liking women.
Shaheen wants to know why women should believe they have a fair shot in the military if he were secretary of Defense. Also why he changed his views on women in the military after he was nominated.
10:47: Shaheen says she appreciates Hegseth’s “11th hour conversion” on women in the military, and enters into the record a chapter from one of his angry white man masturbation manifestos, The War on Warriors, called “The Deadly Obsession with Women Warriors.”
10:49: Hegseth tells Shaheen he’ll totally review some little policy about women to make sure it goes along with his feeling. Roger Wicker has some letters from women in the military who were willing to write on paper that Pete Hegseth is awesome.
Now it’s Tom Cotton, who wants to reframe this conversation about women in the military.
Hegseth says the guns and the rucksacks they have to carry are very heavy, and as long as everybody can carry the same stuff it’s fine, but if they’re letting women in to meet “quotas,” then that’s not OK!
Tom Cotton agrees that there is a lot of heavy stuff in the military. Can girls even carry things the way big strapping Tom Cotton of Dardanelle, Arkansas, carries things?
10:55: Tom Cotton wants to give Pete Hegseth an opportunity to respond to the critics, like for example about his Christian extremist beliefs, but like not really. He is giving him an opportunity to respond to whatever Code Pink screamed while disrupting the hearing. That’s not exactly a good representation of the problems with his Christian extremist beliefs.
Now we have Kirsten Gillibrand.
Evan has a side project called The Moral High Ground, you should check it out and subscribe there too!
Follow Evan Hurst on BlueSky!
Follow Evan on Facebook.
Here, a LinkTree!
https://www.wonkette.com/p/live-pretty-early-in-the-morning”>
#LIVE #Pretty #Early #Morning #Confirmation #Hearing #Pete #Hegseth #Sober